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Posts Liked by flicflacmac

"She's born too early."
- "What do you mean? It's almost 4 PM."

23

The doctor told my
uncle to quit smoking
and drinking.
So now, instead of
three, my uncle is left
with just one hobby,
which is "sitting."

15

#01 How to look busy in the office

Wherever you go, make sure to hold
a piece of paper.

14

"Hey, how are you?
I was hoping you could
maybe help me move into my new apartment this week. You free?"

Read: February, 2007

10

#19 How to
annoy people

Repeat everything someone says as a question.

13

Iceland / Football team

Finnbogason, Bjarnason, Gunnarsson, Sigurðsson, Sævarsson, Árnason,
Sigþórsson, Halldórsson.

I get it. You're all somebody's son.

56

"Why do you always
have to procrastinate everything?"
- "Can we talk about
that later?"

70

Wish
thoughtful.

50

There is nothing worse than your phone charger getting stuck in
the wheels of your office chair and
that afterwards your parents die
in a forest fire.

74

Add a few dots in
the end to make your sentence appear more meaningful...

72

If you need
some space
for yourself
to be alone,
try Google+

86

Numbers are weird.
Odd even.

73

"Mind your step"
is a comment
that belongs on
a minefield.

77

"Is it dark in there?"
- "Don't know, I can't
see a thing."

54

I value my future since that's probably where I'll be spending the rest of my life.

36

Suicide is away of life

91

You don't
make friends with loneliness.

68

Less is

83

Being unique, just like everyone else.

79

o
MO N

71

The only thing that remains the same is that nothing will.

59

You can't
diet on
an empty
stomach.

38

My parents-in-law don't have children, so I'm still single.

60

"I have to go to the loo."
- "Alright, see you later then. Toodeloo!"

45

The future
is open to
suggestions

66

I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.

35

I've got nothing
to lose because
I don't lose.

30

Well I'd certainly put my tongue in your cheeck.

35

"Daisy who?"
- "Daisy me rollin', they hatin'."

44

"Dad, what is a miscarriage?"
- "You."

29

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

63

Freelance?
Who's Lance?

65

The worst thing about
online dating is seven
year olds pretending
to be an overweight,
fifty-something year
old single from Idaho
who recently got fired
because of some stupid reorganization.

37

I'm glad someone invented punctuation comma since it makes left parenthesis when used properly right parenthesis reading much comma much easier in general exclamation mark

22

"Today is your
birthday, right?"
- "No, that was
last year."

23

First
world problems
first.

26

Although some might claim the opposite, my writing skills are quite versatile.

My vocabulary
for instance, is
quite versatile.

64

I couldn't care less, but I would if I could.

31

Here, take
my advice.
I'm not using
it anyway.

88

Let me introduce you to Julia; Roberts wife.

6

Roger, Moore alcohol please.

5

Ryan! Well Dunn!

8

Pamela Anderson went
to the restaurant, but she
returned withoutherson.

15

Everyday Winona Ryder bike.

13

George, do you
C. Scott? I can't find
him anywhere.

14

Miranda Kerrs
a lot for the environment.

16

david@enborough.com

18

I'm not interested, Norris Chuck.

21

I wouldn't, but I'm sure Elijah Wood.

29

I couldn't row but luckily Lisa Kudrow.

23

Rachel, Weisz your brother looking at me like that?

24

Cooking with celebrities Step 4. Add Sheeran.

28

I can Usher you
that everything
will be just fine.

24

Depression isn't always at 3am, sometimes it hits you at 3pm when your with friends and you're half way though a laugh.

33

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