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Posts Liked by enigma

Every morning I wake up two hours earlier than my face

19

Manchmal tritt ein Mensch in dein Leben und du hoffst, dass er den Ausgang nocht findet.

Sucht er verzweifelt weiter, zeige ihm den Weg...

2

People always will judge you and everytime they do, punch them in the face with your unconcerned smile.

105

I call my wallet a nonprofit organization.

107

Honesty
is better than sugar coated bullshit.

113

Of all the books in the world, the best stories are found between the pages of a passport.

122

we just use the future to escape the present

111

Whatever happens..

Don't use the bathroom in your dreams..

It's a setup!

116

Less confrontation and more conversation.

90

Du bewegst Dich so wenig, ich wundere mich, dass Du keine Spritzen gegen Thrombose brauchst.

9

A group of kids is called a migraine.

111

Das Ungewisse an der Distanz ist, dass man nie weiss ob der andere vermisst oder vergisst...

8

Immer wenn meine Freundin vergisst sich abends abzuschminken, sieht ihr Kissen morgens aus wie irgendwas von Desigual.

10

If someone offers you an opportunity to get closer to your enemy, you always take it!

1

I just wanna dance on the highest roof with you while stars are shining and smiling at us.

128

Kaum ein Mann kann nachvollziehen, welche Gefühle der perfekte Schuh bei einer Frau auslösen kann.

5

Let's have a moment of silence for all the clothes we added to the cart, but never bought.

4

My self esteem has two levels:

1) I'm a worthless peace of shit who deserves no love.

2) Bow down bitches I am your queen.

3

I've been waiting all winter to start complaining about the summer heat.

156

Kiss me like your ex is watching

211

walk with me on the shady side of life

102

I'm at that awkward age where half my friends are in love and having babies and the other half are too drunk to even find their phones.

187

Your mind is your best weapon

4

I will never be a morning person.

The moon and i are too much in love.

176

I'm not single...

I'm in a long-term relationship with fun and freedom.

11

Sometimes,
the right words
just show up at
the right time.

131

Morgen versuche ich den Tag mal ohne mein Gehirn zu verbringen.

So viele machen das und haben Spass dabei...

19

TOO BAD THERE ISN'T A VACCINE AGAINST STUPIDITY.

122

textual stimulation

65

There is peace in knowing this was meant to be but not meant to last.

12

the question is not what you look at, but what you see

147

DIFFICULT ROADS
OFTEN LEAD
TO BEAUTIFUL
DESTINATIONS

213

middle fingers up if you dont give a fuck

146

You can't start monday if you keep dreaming of your last weekend.

109

Be all in or get all out.
There is no halfway.

1

Always find time for the things that make you happy to be alive.

9

I take words very seriously, and it breaks
my heart when I find out that people don't actually mean what they say •

18

Everytime I lose some weight, I find it again in the refrigerator.

18

Sometimes it feels like the only thing I can count on, are my fingers.

192

Have you ever hear someone speaking and wonder "how the fuck can I kill him?"

18

Gesucht:

Ein Tierarzt, der den Hund von der FIFA einschläfert.

6

Sometimes we have to let go of what's killing us, even if it's killing us to let go.

3

What lies behind us,
what lies before us,
are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

142

Ever tried to fart and pee at the same time?

Try hating and being happy!

100

missing you comes in waves

tonight I'm drowning

43

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.

Be kind.

4

the best thing you can do is the right thing.

the next best thing is the wrong thing.

the worst thing you can do is nothing.

19

Wir sind hier nicht bei Wünsch-dir-was sondern bei
so isses!

3

Es gibt Dinge, über die spreche ich nicht mal mit mir selber!

2

Life is short,
eat dessert first

2

life is infinitely stranger than anything which the mind of man could invent.

201

have you ever listened to someone for a while and wondered...

"who ties your shoelaces for you?"

280

not all who wander are lost

16

adventure
may hurt you

but monotony will kill you

20

Follow your heart but take your brain with you!

6

Life is like an elevator:
on your way up, sometimes, you have to stop and let some people off.

11

Don't fuck with my feelings, just because you're unsure of your own!

5

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle

344

Pleasure is my favorite reward.

38

Egal
wie traurig Du bist...

...im Kühlschrank brennt immer ein Licht für Dich.

12

Das Leben war einfacher als ich Jungs noch doof fand.

7

cuddle me hardcore

5

The hands of friendship have no color.

232

My dead will probably be caused by being sarcastic at the wrong time.

3

The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains gives hope to many people!

4

Ich bin nicht da! Bin mich suchen gegangen. Wenn ich wieder da bin, bevor ich zurück komme, sagt mir ich soll auf mich warten!

5

Design is so simple, that's why it is so complicated.

87

At the end of the day, life should ask us,
Do you want to save the changes?

181

If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between shit and syphillis!

111

Dear Ex,

Please don't be fooled by Adele, you'll never find someone like me.

203

If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself

226

I wanted to write down exactly what I felt but somehow the paper stayed empty

and I could not have described it any better

296

Life is NO sugarlicking

3

Cinderella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!

5

Of course size matters.....

Nobody wants a small cup of coffee.

218

My fridge is a cemetery for vegetables.

48

Screw beautiful. I'm brilliant. If you want to appease me, compliment my brain!

3

Surround yourself only with people who are going to lift you higher.

4

I always start phone conversations with "my phone is about to die.." just so people don't waste my time.

70

As you move outside of your comfort zone, what was once the unknown and frightening becomes your new normal.

193

I am not weird I am limited edition

3

My brain has too many tabs open!

7

If you give, you begin to live.

If you give, you get the world!

7

Dont make me choose between you and food because I would miss you.

333

Why is the pope now on twitter?

Because twitter is 6 years old.

10

God please give me patience,
if you give me strength I will just punch them in the face.

12

C'EST
LA
FUCKING
VIE

231

Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house...

278

Some people are just like coins:
two faces
no value.

55

Das du miserabel Auto fährst, weißt du spätestens dann, wenn dein Navi sagt:

"Bitte in 150m rechts ranfahren.
Ich möchte aussteigen."

18

Da, wo Sie sitzen, kann
ich mir auch gut eine Zimmerpflanze vorstellen!

3

Today
has been cancelled,
go back to bed.

8

I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH CAFFEINE

I HAVE A PROBLEM WITHOUT CAFFEINE

24

People keep asking me "how's it going" like I have any idea what's going on at any point.

184

If beauty were time, you'd be eternity

30

The thing about thuth is
it can be denied, not avoided.

29

If you still look cute at the end of your workout you didn't train hard enough.

4

I keep hitting 'escape' but I'm still here.

5

If you can't stop thinking about it, don't stop working for it.

6

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you're not just surrounded by assholes.

20

Karma has no menu.

You get served what you deserve.

2

To Quote Hamlet
Act III, Scene III
Line 87,

"NO"

241

Human beings are the only creatures who are able to behave irrationally -

in the name of reason

15

It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it.

4

Work hard,
Have fun,
No drama.

2

There comes a time in the day that no matter the question, the answer is:
CHOCOLATE

2

Don't stumble over something behind you!

2

I may not have
gone where I
intended to go,

but I think I have
ended up where
I needed to be.

15

nowadays,
people know
the price of
everything.

and the value
of nothing.

15

dont cling
to things,
because
everything is

impermanent.

10

Be strong, but not rude.
Be kind, but not weak.
Be humble, but not timid.
Be proud, but not arrogant.

25

The distance between insanity and genius is measured only by success

213

Your workout is my warm up!

2

was wäre ich mit weniger mehr?

1

I'm going to stand outside. So if anyone asks,
I'm outstanding!

3

It's not a walk of shame if you leave with a moonwalk.

191

Wenn Kinder sehen, dass Seifenblasen kaputt gehen, beschweren sie sich nicht sondern machen neue...

42

Talking on the phone with someone who has children, it's like talking to someone who has the Tourette syndrome: "hey! how what-the- hell-are-you- licking-that? are you?"

33

He said the spark between us was gone, so I tasered him and I'll ask him again when he wakes up. ..

157

Die Grillsaison wird Griechisch -

Ohne Kohle!

20

LIKE MICH AM ARSCH

14

Dear Sneeze,

If you're going to happen, happen.

Don't put a stupid look on my face and then just leave.

251

Running away makes the pain stronger, embracing it makes you stronger.

15

It's better to have loved & lost than to live with the psycho the rest of your life!

2

It's better to have loved & lost than to live with the pycho the rest of your life!

2

I'd take shopping over sex any day. Anything that seems a bit small or disappointing when you get it home can easily be exchanged for somerhing more satisfying.

2

Some relatives are like fires. The sooner they're out the better.

2

Craziness doesn't run in my family. It practically gallops!

2

Most women are attracted to the simple things in life -
like men.

2

Sometimes you have to destroy something to create something new.

229

A champion is someone who gets up even if he can't!

3

If you think you can make anything idiot proof, then you're the idiot.

153

Best friends are better than boyfriends.

6

I wish the voices in my head would at least take turns.

161

When writing the story of your life, don't let anyone else hold the pen!

3

Mondays aren't so bad. It's your job that sucks

2

When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.

249

I can't wait to hide all the Easter candy for the kids inside my stomach.

156

Offline is the new luxury

30

I wanna take a picture of you and
make a poster with it

hang it on the wall

as a darts target

28

Cheating on sb. is not an accident.
Fall off the bicycle is an accident.
You don't stumble on a vagina for 45 minutes unintentional

11

Männer kümmern sich darum, dass die Menschheit nicht ausstirbt.

Frauen darum, dass die Menschheit nicht verblödet.

4

Du bringst mich dazu meine Augen so hart zu verdrehen, dass ich meine eigene Hirnrinde sehe!

1

I think therefore we have nothing in common.

3

We all think we're smart
until we try to turn on
someone else's shower.

212

you make my dopamine levels go all silly

3

you can not imagine the immensity of the fuck I do not give!

2

Marry a man that will waste your lipstick not your mascara!

3

Brains are awesome.

I wish everybody had one.

31

Girls
Just
Wanna Have
Fund$

4

I didn't say you're stupid,
I just said your brain must be syndicated

12

Life is short, buy the shoes!

3

people disappoint.
chocolate is eternal!

2

Ich bin heute mal so richtig aus mir rausgegangen.

Jetzt finde ich den scheiss Weg zurück nicht mehr!

21

Reading can seriously damage your ignorance.

17

Either I'm in love or i'm in trouble.

178

Bin endlich den
Winterspeck los!

Habe jetzt
Frühlingsrollen.

13

In the eternal struggle between heart and brain, stomach always wins

36

You know, long distance relationships are so hard, especially since my boyfriend lives in the future!

197

Die ersten Menschen waren nicht die letzten Affen.

27

Auf dem Boden der Tatsachen liegt eindeutig zu wenig Glitzer!

21

normal people are so weird!

2

make
coffee
not
war

3

Winning isn't everything.

Rubbing it in the face of your enemy is also very important.

44

one look in
the mirror.

one question: why is it called beauty sleep?

26

Hey, what's the Wi-Fi password?

Idiot, we're at a funeral!

All in one Word?

218

there is always a wild side to an innocent face

182

if you get the inside right,

the outside will fall into place.

16

If you want to feel rich, just count all the gifts you have that money cant buy.

24

I don't have any bad habits.

I am good at all of them.

205

GOOD MOURNING

8

does running away from my problems count as jogging?

100

Where is the on-off switch of my brain?

19

In which language would you prefer I tell you how much I do not give a shit?

I have my translator app open, fire away.

182

Trying to sleep like;
One sheep, two sheep, cow, turtle, duck, old mac Donald had a farm,
HEE MACARENA!!!!

257

Wer dein Schweigen nicht versteht, versteht deine Worte auch nicht.

3

You two are the most fucked up people I've ever met and I deal with fucked up people for a living.

103

Somewhere out there is someone, who screenshots your Bolds to laugh with their friends.

21

Change is much more than just some coins in your pocket.

179

Better grab my dumbrella.

It's really stupid out there today.

294

the only valentine's day cards
I'll accept are credit cards

159

may the bridges I burn light the way

205

Ich bin eine Frau. Soll ich es buchstabieren?!

G Ö T T I N

2

are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today?

3

find a women with a brain

all have vaginas...

24

It's Thursday, or as I like to call it:

Day 4 of the hostage situation.

181

Manche hüpfen morgens aus dem Bett wie Toast aus dem Toaster. Ich bin mehr so das Brötchen, das mit der Butterseite nach unten fällt. Und liegen bleibt...

17

If you ran like your mouth, you'd be in good shape.

177

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead and sometimes you're behind. The race is long and in the end it's only with yourself.

3

Truth isn't always beauty, but the hunger for it is!

1

To make a long story short, don't tell it.

226

if you change nothing - nothing will change

4

Ich bin super im Bett!

Ne, Moment.

Super, ich bin im Bett!

3

Work until you no longer have to introduce yourself

24

If you're in a fairytale and you're a single woman over the age of 35, chances are you're evil.

224

I'm multitasking,

I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time

393

I'm not saying I did terrible things last night, but Satan woke up on my couch and won't make eye contact with me...

245

My
heart
is
in
atrophy

1

If you kiss my neck I'm not responsible for what happens next!

5

Learning is a gift. Even when pain is your teacher.

2

Half of my feelings are doubts about the other half of my feelings.

232

quit your job
travel the world
die happy

173

Happiness is an inside job.

Don't assign anyone else that much power over your life.

21

I don't do drugs or drink.

At my age, I get the same effect just standing up too fast.

244

Below is a list of ways to win an argument with a woman:

24

There are no shortcuts to any place worth going!

2

you're my favorite drug

46

sharing ideas and dreams can build a really strong relation

20

I would not want to be involved in a fight with a person who bleeds every month and still lives.

225

Wieso sind Menschen eigentlich immer nur mit ihrem Aussehen unzufrieden und nie mit ihrem Hirn?

6

i think therefore

i don't have much in common with a lot of people

236

A world

with a little less selfies

and a little more selfless.

244

while most are dreaming of success winners wake up and work hard to achieve it.

4

no overthinking

10

kopfschmerzen von zu viel denken.
herzschmerz
von zu viel lieben.

10

weniger Kommerz, mehr Herz

9

One day someone is going to hug you so tight that all your broken pieces will stick back together.

76

If I were a gardener, I'd put my tulips and your tulips together.

150

In god we trust, all others we pay cash

10

We dont want any other world, give us fucking Hogwarts!

11

may the religion of love rule all hearts!

8

If people don't occasionally walk away from you shaking their heads,

you're doing something wrong

24

The pain you hold is the love you carry.

24

I need it like I breathe it.

13

backing up, is only a way forward when it leads to another path.

26

Some rules

are only
made

to be broken

16

Can't wait for the day some kid grows up and sues their parents for plastering their face all over the Internet.

194

Sometimes you have to find the good in goodbye.

369

Even when
you have
nothing,
you still
have hope.

And, that's
something.

20

You have to be odd to be number one.

66

Sometimes you have to find the good in goodbye.

115

Du bist die vollkommene Vergeudung!

2

Die Ewigkeit dauert lange, besonders gegen Ende.

2

you are such a perfect little arangement of atoms

23

use your voice for KINDNESS

your ears for
COMPASSION

your hands for CHARITY

your minds for TRUTH

and your heart for LOVE

16

we live long enough to realize we don't live long

201

A friend will joyfully sing with you when you are on the mountain top and silently walk beside you through the valley

26

me + travel
= happy

20

Of all the books in the world, the best stories are found between the pages of a passport.

265

all we have is now

27

Frauen vergessen nicht, sie archivieren.

29

We have each other and everything else is background noise.

191

My favorite mythical creature is the happy bitch in tampon commercials.

237

You can't make everyone happy.

You are not a Nutella jar.

19

Time moves in one direction, memory in another.

33

what if the best is yet to come and this was only the first part of the run...

161

Ein guter Mensch ist ein Stern für jene, die das Licht nicht finden.

19

a woman with a beautiful body is good for a night

a woman with a beautiful mind is good for a lifetime

25

holding you in my heart until i can hold you in my arms

22

Me: I want a magical unicorn for Christmas!

Santa: Be realistic.

Me: OK, I want 5 minutes to myself each day to have my coffee hot and pee in peace.

Santa: What colour unicorn would you like?

185

die with memories,
not dreams.

329

You should never sacrifice three things :
your family
your heart or your dignity

23

Nobody is too busy. It's just a matter of priorities. If they want to find time for you, they will.

5

Love is the bridge between you and everything

18

I like the idea that someone, somewhere is made for you, forever.

225

Karma means i can rest easy at night knowing all the people i treated badly today had it pretty much coming.

176

I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist

18

Karma means i can rest easy at night knowing all the people i treated badly today had it pretty much coming.

44

Breathe in the good shit.

Breathe out the bullshit.

2

some good air

in buenos aires

7

I miss you a little... I guess you could say, a little too often, a little too much...

169

Drop pants
not bombs.

137

KarmaSutra:
When fate fucks you in all sorts of creative ways.

19

sad people
love the rain
because they are
no longer crying alone

216

24 shopping days days left until your loved ones find out how little you understand them.

125

Zur Sicherheit habe ich nachts immer ein Messer unter dem Kopfkissen. Man weiss ja nie, vielleicht bringt jemand plötzlich Kuchen vorbei.

65

It's not easy being psychic, but I already knew that.

101

This year I'm secretly stuffing the turkey with marijuana so everyone can relax and enjoy my cooking for once.

164

It's
Black
Friday

67

goosebumps.

when the soul comes too close to the skin, trying to burst free into the world, either in ecstasy or in fear

148

law
means nothing without justice

2

'Off is' at the lake

24

It's "too" a.m. for me.

88

Everything I like is either expensive,
fattening or won't text me back!

4

FRENCH PEOPLE ARE SO HARDCORE THEY EAT "PAIN" FOR BREAKFAST.

190

Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous.

I see a lot of new faces in the room this week and I'm very disappointed with all of you.

163

Coffee so rich and black, Kim Kardashian would wrap her legs around it

59

You know what's really great about being a narcissist?
Me.

33

If we don't burn together I will burn alone!

2

See you all in church.

Just kidding, meet you at the bar.

176

what screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be.

4

etc.

end of thinking capacity

12

common sense is the less common of all senses

2

You're so fake,
even China denied they made you.

98

If Internet Explorer is brave enough to ask you to be your default browser, you're brave enough to ask that girl out.

217

I just arrived at that point of the week where I want it to be friday or go back to bed..

155

Das Ziel bleibt die vollendete Leistung. Aber der Sinn ist der sie leistende Mensch.

1

Ich bin faul
und liege dazu.

22

Rudeness is the weak person's imitation of strength.

18

less walls &
more bridges

163

creativity is maximized when you are living in the moment.

4

If you asked me how many times you have crossed my mind I would say once, because you never really left.

289

you either want quads or you want jeans.
you really can't have both.

2

Love what you have before life teaches you to love what you've lost.

284

Love is a language spoken by everybody but understood only by the heart.

158

lazy is a very strong word.
i like to call it selective participation.

279

ugh

please get off my head I'm trying to have some time for myself

125

for halloween this year we should all just dress up as who we really are

nobody would recognize anyone

211

Follow a vision, not a path.

2

Reading can seriously damage your ignorance.

3

Don't be ashamed of who you are.

That's your parents job.

270

what screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be

55

the idea is to die young as late as possible

87

Don't wish for it.

Work for it.

19

your demons and
mine want to have dinner some time.

188

I don't need critics, I need actions,
because you don't need problems, you need solutions

16

nichts ist perfekt, ausser nutella!

1

getting no message is also a message...

258

Nichts ist perfekt ausser Nutella.

2

Have you ever noticed that a woman's
"be ready in 5 minutes"
and a man's
"be home in 5 minutes"
are exactly the same?

289

I heard you should question everything, but why?

176

Karma darling, let me help you with your lack of inspiration.

30

Life is like a Bollywood movie: colorful, humorous, and usually you have no idea what the fuck is going on.

289

I do this thing called whatever the fuck I want

92

Never make permanent decisions on temporary feelings

19

travelling

it leaves you speachless, then turns you into a storyteller

39

marry the one who gives you the same feeling you get when you see food coming at a restaurant

5

It's not that people use only about 10% of their brains, it's that only 10% of people use their brains.

22

I never needed you. I wanted you.

There's a difference.

333

Don't underestimate the seductive power of a decent vocabulary.

20

it's not a Sunday unless you completely waste it then feel really sad around 8pm

337

Be realistic. Demand the impossible.

20

the future smells
sweeter
than
ever

156

Your ass must get jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth.

452

Fact is

the world
needs more
honesty

26

Love your enemies, make them feel stupid

16

A fuck must be earned. I can't go down the street with a bucket of fucks, giving them out to everyone.
If I feel that you've earned it, I will give a fuck.

321

My
normal
has
never
been
anything
but
not
normal.

144

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt

~ Mark Twain

57

Can't get out of bed.

Send help....,
or waffles.

Just send waffles.

65

I Was Born To Be Awesome, Not Perfect.

338

Damn you mirror! That's not what I look like in my head!

48

Bei vielen Menschen ist die Problemzone nicht Bauch, Beine, Po sondern der Kopf.

4

Sometimes I feel useless but then
I remember
I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

394

The paradise is a place where sundays never ends.

171

create
and make it
thrive.

25

If 'plan A' didn't work the alphabet has 25 more letters.

Stay cool!

4

when the worlds zigs, zag.

105

Ich schmeiss' alles hin und werd' Prinzessin!

4

There is no planet "B".

153

You know something bad is about to happen when someone says

"Hold my beer and watch this."

214

don't be afraid

to give up the good

and go for the great

12

once you become fearless
life becomes limitless

6

know
your
enemy

2

If a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If she starts to growl, retreat to safe distance and throw chocolate at her.

3

I like long romantic walks off the planet.

102

It's so simple to be wise.

Just think of something stupid to say & then don't say it.

20

I'm lost
but
I'm hopeful

2

Dear Life

Please stop fucking me in broad daylight.
I would much rather prefer it under the cover of darkness.

yours sincerely
me

173

Fly in the planet of ambition, and then land on the airport of success, luck is yours, wish is mine, may your future always shine!

1

Find someone who knows you're not perfect but treats you
as if you are.

328

Intellectual is the new hipster.

132

This is bullcrap.

10

Time to go to bed.

I have a life to pretend to have tomorrow.

222

My biography will be titled "Be Yourself And Other Ways To Stay Single."

269

RACHE?

Ne, dafür bin ich zu faul.
Ich werde hier sitzen und darauf warten, dass das Karma dein Leben fickt.

12

Im Zweifelsfall siegt der Geist über die Materie.

2

You.
Me.
Bed.
Now.

194

we travel not to escape life, but for life not to escape us.

23

You're as annoying as that app that turns sideways when I lay down.

215

If it were true that the height of the brow determines the degree of intelligence, some people should have hair springing up of the nose

15

To get some enemies you don't need to declare war, just say what you think

Martin Luther King

20

Stop asking WHY I'm still single.

I don't ask how you're still married.

219

Ich achte sehr auf meine Ernährung.

...was schmeckt wird gegessen.

21

we are all moths to the flame for

somebody

84

To get some enemies you don't need to declare war, just say what you think

Martin Luther King

61

My only regret is having regrets

and not sneaking more food out of the buffet. dammit!

96

FEED
YOUR
OWN
EGO
I'M
BUSY

186

Nichts ist so begehrenswert wie das, was einem nicht sicher ist.

2

Healing doesn't mean the damage never existed.

It means the damage no longer controls our lives.

17

Only very fit and healthy people have midnight snacks
It takes a great deal of physical and mental effort to get out of bed at such late hours

180

the only thing you should take personally
is your personality

166

It always
starts with
a "why not"

It ends with
a "why "

10

Dating an ex is the equivalent of failing a test you already had the answers to.

233

Ob so eine Raupe weiss, dass sie mal fliegen wird?

Oder baut sie sich einfach einen Kokon und denkt dabei nur "Oh, netter Schlafsack"

17

You're gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul.

31

Being a barista is tough. you have to deal with everyone before they've had their morning coffee.

116

You stay out of this or I'll knock you into the middle of next week!

1

They asked me why I don't have tattoos...
so I told them:

"Do you see a Ferrari
with bumper stickers?"

50

You can not imagine the immensity of the fuck I do not give.

26

EFF YOU SEE KAY WHY OH YOU

9

Die Lieblingskleider sind nicht unbedingt die, die am besten aussehen, aber mit denen man sich am wohlsten fühlt.

Genau wie bei Menschen.

19

I swear if my
memory was any worse, I could plan my own surprise party.

231

Her head's in the clouds but she's stuck in hell.

11

The art of living is more like wrestling than dancing.

13

What Susie says
of Sally
says more of Susie
than of Sally.

Remember that.

199

Dear Life,
When I asked if my day could get any worse, it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

10

I don't have enough middle fingers for today.

16

Ich werde es jetzt tun.

Ich werde Nutella kritisieren.

Denn Freunde, wir können das Thema nicht ewig todschweigen.

Aber die Suppenkelle passt einfach nicht ins Glas.

18

It's funny how we feel so much but we don't say a word..
we're screaming inside but we can't be heard •

33

I wouldn't have to manage my anger, if people would manage their stupidity

34

My heart and my brain only agree on one thing..

Food •

157

im not perfect but im loyal

11

At the end of the day, life should ask us,
Do you want to save the changes?

317

I never said you're an idiot, but your brain should have a black out

10

Morals -
my favorite rotting sandwich in the trunk of society.

28

I'm not evil,

I'm sarcastically
inspired

42

My brain keeps making appointments that my body cannot keep.

143

you screw me
I screw you back
I'm a lady like that

1

let it bend before it breaks

1

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