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Posts Liked by Eclipsenova

To the one who takes care of me when I'm sick and comforts me when I'm sad, Happy Mother's Day to Netflix.

29

I always start phone conversations with "my phone is about to die.." just so people don't waste my time.

238

I wonder how many calories bitches consume by jumping into conclusions.

32

Mom, thanks for never giving in to your urge to handcuff me to yourself.

23

"Swearing is unattractive"

WELL I'M ALREADY UGLY SO FUCK YOU

32

I'm worried that I may have already met the man of my dreams but I probably told him to fuck off and suck a dick

20

I probably come off as mean when you first meet me, but after you really get to know me, you'll find out I'm actually meaner.

21

I require 100% of your attention 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Thanks.

25

Not everyone you lose is a loss..

Unless it's me, then you just fucked up.

59

If you have $20 and your girlfriend has $20, that just means your girlfriend has $40.

48

ok but consider this:

- who cares

1

ok but consider this:

- who cares

61

BEFORE SEX...YOU HELP EACH OTHER GET NAKED, AFTER SEX YOU ONLY DRESS YOURSELF.

MORAL OF THE STORY: IN LIFE NO ONE HELPS YOU

ONCE YOU'RE FUCKED.

325

There are two categories: those who fuck and those who speak about it

Me? I fuck

19

Can february march?

No. But april may

70

Sometimes I feel useless but then
I remember
I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

115

At the end of the day, life should ask us,
Do you want to save the changes?

181

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY
AND MAYBE
A LITTLE BIT NAKED.

265

If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between shit and syphillis!

111

The trouble with jogging is, by the time you realize you're not fit for it, it's too far to walk back •

105

that awkward moment when I'm drunk
and you're still ugly

125

STRESSED

spelled
backward
is

DESSERTS

320

Sun goes down earlier for short people.

279

Imagine living in a time where the goal of sex was to have children...

23

You can stay, but your clothes must go...

26

The closest I get to church is making a woman scream, "oh, godddd."

85

If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

734

I
Don't
Trust
People That Bite Ice Cream Without
Flinching..
That Shit's
Not Natural !!

35

i hate when girls say "i need a man that can handle me"

you're a female, not a zoo animal. handle you're damn self.

41

i'm not saying i hate you but i would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

66

I want to hold treasurous things. I want to always have a surprise inside of me. I always want to have someone who loves me. I want to be a fridge.

189

The time will cum*

17

She's the type of woman to throw stuff when she gets angry with her husband. Like her vagina.
At the neighbor.

24

When a guy says "Suck it!"

I say, "Sorry, but small objects are a choking hazard."

27

Your clothes. They bother me. Take them off.

58

If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors...

and all of them got laid.

64

14,000 people are having sex right now.

25,000 are kissing.

50,000 are hugging.

And you... well you're reading this post.

104

the lion and tiger might be powerful...
but the wolf does not perform in the circus

316

Love and peace is more than two fingers

138

I fear the people who can bite ice cream.

243

Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house...

278

$do I have time for your bullshit? no no no no no no \_ no no no no no no$

126

Trust is the most important thing
in a relationship..
and by trust I
mean sex •

30

Life is like sex..
you can either lie back and let it screw you or you can get on top and ride the hell out of it •

35

Breaking a mirror is 7 years of bad luck, breaking a condom is 18.

30

men use love to get sex. women use sex to get love. I use coupons to get pizza

58

I came.
I saw.
I conquered.
I came again.

57

If I'm still able to walk to the kitchen after sex, you don't deserve a sandwich.

128

You remind me of my big toe, cause i'm going to bang you on every piece of furniture I own

273

Without honor one is but a double-edged sword

1

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