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Posts Liked by droritzz

You never gotta worry about me cheating on you. I might eat something that was yours but that's about it.

26

You don't have to be crazy to hang out with me...
I'll train you!

60

When all else fails,
your bed will not.

15

you're precisely my cup of tea

16

It's like people in this rehab have never seen someone drink Vodka from a salad bowl before.

7

Knowing one's fetish means to know the magic formula to take control over him.

8

Rule 36
If it exists, someone has a fetish for it, no exceptions.

7

I like the nights.

Some of my best days were nights.

3

sometimes all you need is 1 million dollar and a new identity.

170

You know you're fucked when those late night thoughts start hitting you in the middle of the day..

162

Sometimes I don't finish a book, but I act like I did, which is the opposite of my interactions with pizza.

94

BRACE YOURSELVES, PUMPKIN SPICE LATTES ARE COMING.

11

schau mir in die Augen, Kleines ...

casablanca

3

I don't make mistakes,
I date them.

172

Sex with an ex.

Same as if you shower and wear your dirty underwear again.

223

A baby's laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear.

Unless it's 3am.

And you're home alone.

And you don't have a baby.

240

The sex was so good even the neighbours had a cigarette.

283

Telling a girl to "calm down" is like trying to baptize a cat.

148

Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.

286

Voices in your head - normal

Listening to them - common

Arguing with them - acceptable

Losing the argument - BIG PROBLEM

273

If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

459

The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.

312

My doctor asked if anyone in my family was suffering from mental illness. I said; "no, we all seem to enjoy it"

367

Whatever happens..

Don't use the bathroom in your dreams..

It's a setup!

116

I have more issues than vogue

11

Dirty hands are a sign of clean money

63

Vote
for happiness

8

There's "hell" in hello, "good" in goodbye, "lie" in believe, "over" in lover, "end" in friend, "ex" in next and "if" in life..

4

Sleeping
It
Real

3

My
Name
IS
BOND

VAGA
BOND

4

think!

- it's not illegal yet.

5

I'd rather have a passport full of stamps than a house full of stuff.

33

Instead of going to Starbucks every day, I make my own coffe at home, yell my name out incorrectly, then light a 5$ bill on fire.

15

we'll, we'll, we'll if this isn't autocorrect

26

Talent will get you in the door

but character will keep you in the room.

6

your questions will show your intelligence better than your answers

16

lol (en)
= mdr (fr)
= xd (intern)
= lmt (dt)

Fremdsprachen lernen heute

4

YLLGI

you'll never guess it

2

"Niemand hat hier die Absicht, eine Mauer zu bauen."

Bob, der Baumeister

15

You are only as good as the people you hire

49

unprotected sleep

Turning off your alarm clock and immediately going back to sleep, risking not waking up for a job, class, or other daily task.

72

You want some freedom with those fries?

10

This is the end of the world boys pack up the hard drives full of internet art we are taking it to the moon

7

Can't now, I'm thinking of something stupid to say on the Internet

24

Keine Angst vor heissen Eisen!

WAFFELEXPORTE
JETZT

5

what this country needs is more unemployed politicians.

25

If you don't
get it,
just smile,
statistically
you are in
the majority

18

Everybody should spend some quality time with themselves.

11

The disputes in families would be greatly lesser if the family members can apply for time off from the family.
If you worked 24/7 on your job, you'll be piss off all the time too.

8

Flip a coin or vote for the one with a funnier name.

7

Today there is no same sex marriage, gay marriage or heterosexual marriage in America, just marriage.

116

We're all
mad here.

163

PLEASE DO NOT FEED
THE FEARS

109

a friend isn't your friend until they defend you in your absence

168

It's okay.

My comebacks are as epic as my fuck-ups.

120

A group of kids is called a migraine.

111

Go away responsibilities, nobody likes you.

112

the trouble is...

other people.

107

I'm only avoiding you because you stole my yogurt in a dream I had

91

ANTISTALKING

(v) learning a person's routine in order to avoid them.

72

unprotected sleep

Turning off your alarm clock and immediately going back to sleep, risking not waking up for a job, class, or other daily task.

92

We all think we're smart
until we try to turn on
someone else's shower.

212

STARBUCKS NEEDS A SEPARATE LINE FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE THEIR SHIT TOGETHER

146

Dear Sneeze,

If you're going to happen, happen.

Don't put a stupid look on my face and then just leave.

251

Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house...

278

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle

344

my back is not a voicemail say it to my face

232

Others first.

121

Here's to the nights that turned into mornings with the friends that turned into family.
Cheers to you.

196

If someone points at your black clothes and asks, whos funeral it is, you just look around the room, and answer, 'haven't decided yet.'

247

Light is easy to love.

Show me your darkness.

175

Sometimes I want to go back to the days of cartoons, snacks, and naps. Then I remember...coffee, liquor, and porn.

100

Did you know, that 3-4 glasses of wine per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit.

143

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