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Posts Liked by conception

justice is
a beautiful concept.
unicorns too.

320

I love waving at random people, because you know for the rest of the day they're trying to figure out who the hell you were.

310

I hate when cashiers ask: "Will that be it for you?"

Um no, I'd like all this invisible shit, too.

22

Fine, we'll compromise. I'll get my way, and you will find a way to be ok with that.

30

I'm that person that will play with the dog at a party.

38

Whenever someone says, "You look familiar. Where have I seen you before?" I like to respond with, "Do you watch porn?"

82

Brains are awesome.

I wish everybody had one.

92

Thanks for pretending not to see me when I was pretending not to see you in order to avoid a miserably awkward conversation that neither of us wanted to have.

68

Have you ever noticed that a woman's
"be ready in 5 minutes"
and a man's
"be home in 5 minutes"
are exactly the same?

108

If Internet Explorer is brave enough to ask you to be your default browser, you're brave enough to ask that girl out.

217

Selfie is the proof that smartphone and internet have made people so alone that they don't find a friend who can take a pic.

250

See you all in church.

Just kidding, meet you at the bar.

176

tomorrow (noun)

a mystical land where 99 percent of all human productivity, motivation and achievement is stored.

201

die with memories,
not dreams.

329

Of all the books in the world, the best stories are found between the pages of a passport.

265

Some talk to you in their free time
&
some free time to talk to you

270

If you have to ask if it's too early to drink wine, you're an amateur and we can't be friends.

189

Wie ist das überhaupt mit so einem "Partner"?

Was fressen die so und wie alt werden die eigentlich?

47

Möchten Sie Ihren Kaffee schwarz?

Nein, Rosa mit grünen Sternchen, Tischfeuerwerk
und Girlanden

46

may the bridges I burn light the way

205

Bringing McDonalds into public transportation is like taking a shit at the Opera.

79

Twinkle, twinkle little star lead me to the nearest bar!

213

People
who talk shit
will be reincarnated as toilet paper •

212

Es heisst ja "Guten Morgen", weil "Halt die Fresse und geh sterben" gesellschaftlich nicht so akzeptiert ist.

69

Can you imagine parents nowadays explaining to their kids how they met?

"Well, it all started one day when your dad 'liked' one of my selfies."

218

We all think we're smart
until we try to turn on
someone else's shower.

212

To Quote Hamlet
Act III, Scene III
Line 87,

"NO"

241

There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying,

"I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."

539

It's not illegal. It's just frowned upon. Like masturbating on an airplane.

1546

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