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Posts Liked by chrjantz

Egal wie tief man die Messlatte des geistigen Verstandes eines Menschen legt, es gibt jeden Tag jemanden, der bequem darunter durchlaufen kann.

8

stop making fun of Bing. it's super offensive to it's users, all 2 of them.

10

Du lachst, aber willst weinen.

Du sprichst, aber willst still sein.

Du tust so, als wärst du glücklich, bist es aber nicht.

9

"Just when I found the meaning of life, they changed it".

~~George Carlin

16

Je einfacher die Aufgabenstellung, um so grösser der Schwierigkeitsgrad.

10

Ich bin mehr so der verträumte Typ. Gerade stelle ich mir vor, wie ich mit einem Rasenmäher über dein Gesicht fahre.

12

When there's always the same shit on repeat,

learn the fucking lesson.

132

Time is not wasted when you fill it with Things you like to do

14

ich schlafe zu wenig und träum´ wenn ich wach bin

8

Keep your mind open: Swipe trough tinder while your date is talking.

10

Being famous on Instagram is like being rich on Monopoly.

269

Ich habe keine Ahnung, was mein Bürokollege beruflich macht.

67

I get far too little credit for all the things I don't say.

132

The distance between insanity and genius is measured only by success

213

the lion and tiger might be powerful...
but the wolf does not perform in the circus

316

Of course size matters.....

Nobody wants a small cup of coffee.

218

have you ever listened to someone for a while and wondered...

"who ties your shoelaces for you?"

280

my back is not a voicemail say it to my face

232

Sarcasm and orgasm. Two things most people don't get. Those who do are smiling right now.

197

I'm at that awkward age where half my friends are in love and having babies and the other half are too drunk to even find their phones.

187

I will never be a morning person.

The moon and i are too much in love.

176

Get rich or drunk trying.

122

some of us are so scared of the unknown that we create our own cages

181

Es ist wirklich hart ein Kaktus zu sein, ständig bist du spitz und keiner will dich anfassen.

34

You are only as good as the people you hire

77

Ich glaube, Frauen haben einfach noch nicht realisiert, wie gut ich laut meiner Mutter aussehe...

31

Beauty on the inside doesn't get you free drinks.

133

An die Person, die meine Schuhe versteckt hat während ich auf der Hüpfburg war:

Werd erwachsen!

35

Sport gibt Dir das Gefühl, dass Du nackt besser aussiehst.

Tequila übrigens auch.

52

Did you know, that 3-4 glasses of wine per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit.

143

First dates are full of promise...

Like how he'll promise anything to get you into bed.

80

Brains are the new tits.

122

Es gibt größere Dinge als unser Einkommen;
zum Beispiel unsere Ausgaben.

34

s i g o i
o s c
m d b u
e o j e l
t u t
i t s d
m h t i
e i f
s n t f

102

the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else

134

A penny
for your thoughts,
5 bucks if they are dirty.

112

Is "Fuck you" an emotion? Because I feel it all the time.

185

Life is what happens to you when your internet data pack expires.

175

SOME PEOPLE
SAY SORRY
IN THE TONE OF WHATEVER

199

Wer seinen eigenen Weg geht, kann nicht überholt werden.

55

I wish you could last as long in bed as you do in an argument.

99

be the kind of gentleman that holds the door
open for your girl, but smacks her ass as she walks in.

127

Ich soll dich vom Niveau grüssen.

Ihr seht euch ja nicht so oft.

58

you remind me of a software update, whenever i see you i think
"not now!"

140

Years, lovers and glasses of wine should never be counted.

98

Sitting in a bar having drinks with a friend...
I casually pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and said " That's us in ten years".

He said "That's a mirror, dipshit!"

108

I'm single and I want a divorce.

102

Whatever,
I have boobs.

119

I call my wallet a nonprofit organization.

107

it's a little known fact that fetishism existed long before mankind.

there was actually a small subgroup of dinosaurs that always wore high heels.

they were called myfeetaresoreus.

74

Even if your not successful in life, you are guaranteed to get two certificates.

86

If sex, shots, or sleep can't solve it, you have a fucking problem.

182

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