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Posts Liked by cho

And maybe the universe is just an old lady in a callcenter.

50

The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant.

The population is growing.

58

Life's not a bitch.
Life is a beautiful woman. You only call her a bitch cause she won't let you get that pussy.

58

Somewhere, Banksy is anxiously holding his spray can, waiting for trump to build the wall

63

My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel when crossing a street.

48

She looked all the great paintings saw the art, listened to great composers, travelled all around the world, attended to concerts, read the cover of great books, met little miracles

and then she said:
"Whatever!I have boobs."

37

I MUST ADMIT THAT I DO NOT ALWAYS BEHAVE ACCORDING TO MY AGE.
BUT WHEN I DO IT'S FUCKING BORING.

84

for every snowflake that falls, there is an idiot who forgets how to drive

76

Chaos, panic and disorder.

My work here is done.

72

just saw a guy at starbucks.
no iphone, no tablet, no laptop.

he just sat there drinking coffee.

fucking psychopath.

113

The ironic thing about loss is that it stays...

73

A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket and thinks,
" some asshole has my pen "...

71

You can't be late until you show up

80

We hear a lot from those who have nothing to say.

71

That moment when your shampoo says "to fix damage" but after the shower your feelings are still broke.

66

If you don't swear when you drive then you aren't paying enough attention to the road

80

Dear Monday go
step on Lego.

30

don't lower your expectations
just slower your expectations

81

And if I asked you to name all the things you love, how long would it take to name yourself ?

98

I NEED A NAP... AND BY NAP
I MEAN A SMALL COMA SO I CAN HIDE FROM MY LIFE.

76

In my next life I want to live backwards. Start out dead and finish off as an orgasm.

83

I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas.

95

Some days I just want somebody to hug me and say, "I know it's hard. You're going to be okay. Here's coffee and 6 million dollars."

139

Wenn man Bock hat alles hinzuschmeissen, aber alles liegt schon auf dem Boden.

20

The best thing about having a penis is sharing it with people who don't. Agree?

66

I bet in 2000 years they are gonna be digging up the rubble of our destroyed earth and they will find a Nokia still on half battery.

112

I've finally accepted the fact that my behavior will never catch up with my age.

130

I will stop wearing black when another colour becomes equally as dark.

97

Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Linda.

133

I ordered a life alert bracelet, if I ever get a life I'll be notified immediately.

91

Real women don't chase men.
They set traps.

118

Und Hänsel und Gretel so zur Hexe "Ist dein Haus glutenfrei, Biatsch?".

11

I haven't lost my mind... half of it just wandered off, and the other half went looking for it...

132

I have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other.

I'm also deaf in one ear.

133

I get far too little credit for all the things I don't say.

132

Sleep is no appropriate substitute for coffee.

68

The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again.

105

Once they stop talking to you, they start talking about you.

135

I hate when people say you don't need alcohol to have fun... Well you don't need running shoes to run but it fucking helps.

188

I call my wallet a nonprofit organization.

107

I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.

151

Solange man nicht zur Coca Cola Life Zielgruppe gehört, geht's eigentlich.

14

Sitting in a bar having drinks with a friend...
I casually pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and said " That's us in ten years".

He said "That's a mirror, dipshit!"

108

According to Instagram
I haven't eaten a meal since forever.

31

my saturday was going pretty well until i realized it was sunday.

31

i want to fuck you so bad right now.

damn autocorrect..

i meant hey.

1

a friend isn't your friend until they defend you in your absence

168

autocorrect is like your buddy trying to help you to cheat in the class test but is giving all the wrong answers.

3

If someone points at your black clothes and asks, whos funeral it is, you just look around the room, and answer, 'haven't decided yet.'

38

I'm at that awkward age where half my friends are in love and having babies and the other half are too drunk to even find their phones.

187

I may have to put in some overtime to not finish what I haven't started yet.

33

Sorry, but your password must contain a capital letter, two numbers,
a symbol, an inspiring message, a spell,
a gang sign,
a hieroglyph and the blood of a virgin.

170

when
nothing
goes
right,

go
left.

275

I like the nights.

Some of my best days were nights.

241

Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.

286

If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself

226

don't let your affection
give you an infection.

put some protection
on that erection.

47

Am Drive-in Schalter fragen,
ob man noch jemanden grüssen darf.

4

5

Ich hab keine Macken!

Das sind Special Effects.

6

alle haben immer gesagt, das funktioniert nicht... bis einer kam, der wusste das nicht und hat es einfach gemacht!!!

10

wenn man die kinder bei den großeltern abholt, sind sie auf werkseinstellung zurückgesetzt!

11

You know you're getting old when your year of birth is no longer immediately visible in drop-down menus and you have to start scrolling down.

164

My
brain
has
too
many
tabs
open.

65

I wish I had the kind of life my spam folder thinks I have!

26

Wieso ist Montag so früh am Morgen?

30

Saw a Cougar wearing a Leopard coat, driving a Jaguar.

It's a jungle out there.

52

I don't do drugs or drink.

At my age, I get the same effect just standing up too fast.

244

Can february march?

No. But april may

70

There is a company called Kia & a company called Nokia.
I'm not sure who to believe.

77

If "Plan A" didn't work the alphabet has 25 more letters.

Stay cool.

57

Me: I want a magical unicorn for Christmas!

Santa: Be realistic.

Me: OK, I want 5 minutes to myself each day to have my coffee hot and pee in peace.

Santa: What colour unicorn would you like?

185

Ich bin nicht stur! Ich bin nur Meinungs-stabil!

7

Der Autofahrer vor mir hat gerade eine Banane aus dem Fenster geworfen. Netter Versuch, aber ich bin mit Mario Kart aufgewachsen.

29

Ich habe noch nie im Leben einen Sarkasmus vorgetäuscht!

47

Everybody should stop making fun of Justin Bieber.
That poor girl...

61

Freak out your neighbours by renaming your WiFi to

"Police Surveillance Van"

71

They told me to never give up.

Now they call me a stalker.

72

Some people are like clouds.

When they disappear,
it gets a brighter day.

84

I have to stop saying
"How stupid can you be?".

I think people are starting to take it as a challenge.

172

i'm not
anti-social.

i'm
anti-stupid.

195

I'm growing my beard to mask boringness and my lack of personality. Also, I hate human contact.

43

Wenn mir langweilig ist, klebe ich im Supermarkt Chiquita-Aufkleber auf die Gurken und beschwere mich, dass die Bananen noch so grün sind.

29

the idea is to die young as late as possible

87

At the end of the day, life should ask us,
Do you want to save the changes?

181

You can't make everyone happy.

So just concentrate
on me.

84

The synonym for reality is offline.

226

Birthday's Are Good For Your Health...

Studies have shown that people who have more Birthday's...
Live Longer ....

20

if a telemarketer calls, give the telephone to your 3 year-old and tell her it's santa

29

Die kritischsten Momente in der Kindererziehung sind die drei Sekunden, in denen du dich zwischen Moralpredigt und High Five entscheiden musst.

34

Du bist nicht doof, nur sparsam behirnt!

23

Viele sagen Zürich sei eingebildet, dabei gibt
es die Stadt wirklich.

139

lazy is a very strong word.
i like to call it selective participation.

279

You know something bad is about to happen when someone says

"Hold my beer and watch this."

214

Life is like a Bollywood movie: colorful, humorous, and usually you have no idea what the fuck is going on.

289

Have you ever noticed that a woman's
"be ready in 5 minutes"
and a man's
"be home in 5 minutes"
are exactly the same?

289

Scientists gave us Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra. How about they stop playing with their dicks & give us something for cancer?

5

I love making people who don't like me hate me more by just being me.

119

Sun goes down earlier for short people.

279

Voices in your head - normal

Listening to them - common

Arguing with them - acceptable

Losing the argument - BIG PROBLEM

273

My doctor asked if anyone in my family was suffering from mental illness. I said; "no, we all seem to enjoy it"

367

I don't need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod - my shadow does that much better

•Plutarch

23

Work until your idols become your rivals.

298

I swear if my
memory was any worse, I could plan my own surprise party.

231

nothing's gonna stop me!
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

aw crap, it's raining...

20

Sometimes I run out of unproductive things to do at work

6

It takes twice as long for me to not get anything done on Monday as it does the rest of the week

9

Voices in your head - normal

Listening to them - common

Arguing with them - acceptable

Losing the argument - BIG PROBLEM

703

I like the nights.

Some of my best days were nights.

582

My internet was down for 5 minutes so I went downstairs and spoke to my family.

They seem like nice people.

1135

My doctor asked if anyone in my family was suffering from mental illness. I said; "no, we all seem to enjoy it"

812

that awkward moment when I'm drunk
and you're still ugly

478

The trouble with jogging is, by the time you realize you're not fit for it, it's too far to walk back •

409

A baby's laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear.

Unless it's 3am.

And you're home alone.

And you don't have a baby.

427

You make me smile...

And also super horny, but that's not the point.

363

Just saw a butterfly with a girl tattooed on its lower back.

147

In life you will find that you have to make decisions that make sense to none but you.

182

Reality slaps wishes in the face.

127

At the end of the day, life should ask us,
Do you want to save the changes?

317

The blurred picture around the smartphone is called life.

261

If the phone doesn't ring,
it's me.

178

I don't approve of political jokes

I've seen too many of them get elected.

153

The real "F-word" is Facebook.

Don't use it.

17

It's never a good sign when the restaurant staff bring meal from home for lunch

26

What's the advantage of living in Switzerland?

Well, the flag is a big plus.

34

damn.

don't you hate it when you think you're out buying organic veggies and when you get home you realize they're just regular donuts?

makes me mad.

138

Don't believe everything you think.

125

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