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Posts Liked by Bollo

your mind needs as much exercise as your body. thats why I think about jogging every day

152

I don't really want it if I have to show you how to give it.

122

apparently, jokingly opening my legs open when the dentist says open wide is frowned upon in this establishment.

107

Sarcasm and orgasm. Two things most people don't get. Those who do are smiling right now.

197

Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house...

278

I want to hold treasurous things. I want to always have a surprise inside of me. I always want to have someone who loves me. I want to be a fridge.

189

Dont make me choose between you and food because I would miss you.

333

My boss doesn't like the nickname I gave him. It's awful to see Princess Dickhead crying.

201

My mind needs a cigarette. She's just been stimulated.

99

One day, I will solve my problems with maturity.

Today, however, it will be with alcohol.

219

Edit your life frequently and ruthlessly.
It's your masterpiece after all.

22

I'm a straight dude and I like romantic movies. But ones that are easy to follow...with lame plots...and lot of nudity.

Porn. I like porn.

25

He said the spark between us was gone, so I tasered him and I'll ask him again when he wakes up. ..

157

The distance between insanity and genius is measured only by success

213

Dear Sneeze,

If you're going to happen, happen.

Don't put a stupid look on my face and then just leave.

251

You are a tornado
with pretty eyes and a heartbeat.

179

i'm sending my mom flowers and chocolates on my birth anniversary; she is the one who deserves to be celebrated.

5

birth is like the big bang in a big crunch universe theory: escaping the crotch just to spend a live trying to invade it again.

1

we can
still be friends

149

I'm not the type of person you should put on speaker phone.

196

Better grab my dumbrella.

It's really stupid out there today.

294

Today a feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.....apparently "in HD" was not the right answer...

345

If you listen real closely, you can hear my alarm clock laughing as I set it.

292

When guys wait for the perfect girl, it's Playboy's fault.

When girls wait for the perfect guy, it's Disney's fault.

123

Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.

170

the brain is the most important human organ, it works 24/7/365.
from the beginning of your life till the moment you fall in love...

157

Waved to my ex today, next time I might use all my fingers.

108

How do you know when you are too drunk to drive? When you swerve to miss a tree then realize it was your air-freshener.

85

When a man says you're ugly, he's just being mean. When a woman says you're ugly, she's just jealous. When a child says you're ugly, you're ugly.

139

You are afraid to die, and you're afraid to live.
What a way to exist ..

82

Worried I am wasting my life worrying about wasting my life.

74

please god cure my hangover and i promise i will never drink again, also forgive me in advance for lying about never drinking again.

59

just because it's a bad idea, doesn't mean it's not going to be a good time...

116

The most difficult part about walking away from someone is realizing that they don't care enough to attempt to stop you.

162

teeth:
because blow jobs need to come with a gentle reminder of who's really in charge

95

Always love a women for her personality.

They have like 10, so you can choose.

145

What if when we die the light at the end of the tunnel we see is just us being pushed out of another vagina?

163

The first word I want to teach my kid is "brains".

Then, until he/she learns another word, I'll have the cutest little zombie ever.

184

The only thing we learn from history is that we don't learn from history.

166

Irony is 15 year old mothers using protective covers on their smartphones

194

I wish you would listen closer to the songs I play. The lyrics are the words I fail to say.

224

I 'm gonna hang a Batman outfit in my closet just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer's.

197

If Adam and Eve were Chinese,
we would still be in paradise because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake.

210

Did you know that if you put your ear up a strangers leg you can hear them say:
What the fuck are you doing?!?

258

Normal is getting
dressed in clothes
that you buy for work
& driving through traffic
in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, aaaand the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to leave in it...

171

Dear Ex,

Please don't be fooled by Adele, you'll never find someone like me.

377

Favorite type of music to play during sex?

You.

198

Here's a tissue, you have a little bullshit on your lip.

445

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone?... That's common sense leaving your body.

395

that awkward moment when I'm drunk
and you're still ugly

478

You make me smile...

And also super horny, but that's not the point.

363

My girlfriend told me to take a spider out instead of killing it. We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a lawyer.

222

People don't want to hear about your diet.

Just eat your lettuce, and be sad.

196

renamed my ipod the Titanic, so when i plug it in, it says "the Titanic is syncing" he he

213

Can't get out of bed.

Send help....,
or waffles.

Just send waffles.

247

Potatoes give us french fries and vodka.

It's your move, celery.

231

Life is like a Bollywood movie: colorful, humorous, and usually you have no idea what the fuck is going on.

289

Karma means i can rest easy at night knowing all the people i treated badly today had it pretty much coming.

176

In 1814 Women had no rights

In 1914 Women fought for some rights

In 2014 Women are always fucking right

222

do not wear your mistletoe belt buckle to your office christmas party!!

76

You know it's cold out when you fall down and dent the ground with your nipples.

153

I'm opening a gym called "Resolutions". It will have exercise equipment in it for the first two weeks, then it turns into a bar for the rest of the year.

255

Sometimes you have to find the good in goodbye.

369

If I marry a Canadian, I've decided that the children will be raised metric.

224

It's like I'm the only drunk person at this yoga class.

279

If I were a gardener, I'd put my tulips and your tulips together.

150

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