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Posts Liked by averbarg

If life was easy we would all be cake.

24

Me: for Christmas I
want a unicorn.

Santa: be realistic!

Me: ok I want a
boyfriend.

Santa: what colour do
you want your
unicorn?

123

I haven't lost my mind... half of it just wandered off, and the other half went looking for it...

132

Use your madness to create your masterpiece.

125

after tuesday even the calendar goes
W T F

10

Today it's Monday on a Tuesday.

10

have a sweet ass Tuesday

10

i always give 100% at work.

10 % Monday
25 % Tuesday
38 % Wednesday
22 % Thursday
5 % Friday

10

I don't know if I'm hungry, but I'm going to eat anyway...just in case

110

You speak like something
I wrote when
I was drunk.

113

Real women don't chase men.
They set traps.

118

If you are going to be weird,
be confident about it.

117

Hab nachgemessen

Wochenende
war zu kurz

51

When there's always the same shit on repeat,

learn the fucking lesson.

132

Love is saying
"I know you're a fucking psycho manic but I'm willing to work
with that."

143

Eine Partynacht ist nichts gegen eine Nacht mit einem zahnenden Baby.

17

whenever you feel getting pulled into other people's nonsense, repeat these words :

Not my circus.
Not my monkeys.

147

auf dem Boden der Tatsache liegt eindeutig zu wenig Glitzer

58

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

88

I can't turn water into wine,
but I can turn pizza into breakfast

143

Liebe auf den ersten Blick spart eine Menge Zeit!

32

Zu früh,
zu kalt,
zu Montag.

49

the bad news is:
time flies...

the good news is:

you are the pilot.

111

Eins muss ich ja meiner Müdigkeit lassen:
Kondition hat sie.

38

We're expecting 2 or 3 feet of drama tonight, with bullshit blowing in from everywhere. High possibility of "go, fuck yourself" at late night.

92

Whatever,
I have boobs.

119

It takes just a little bit of you to make a lot of me

91

Yesterday I lost a good friend to a tragic accident. They got their finger caught in a wedding ring.

114

People always will judge you and everytime they do, punch them in the face with your unconcerned smile.

105

Ich bin "auf MTV liefen Musikvideos" Jahre alt!

35

Männer haben auch Gefühle. Hunger zum Beispiel. Oder Durst.

45

I hate when people say you don't need alcohol to have fun... Well you don't need running shoes to run but it fucking helps.

63

I hate when people say you don't need alcohol to have fun... Well you don't need running shoes to run but it fucking helps.

188

Es gibt Tage, da wirst du mit dem Kopfschütteln einfach nicht fertig!

42

I call my wallet a nonprofit organization.

107

While you're stabbing my back, you can kiss my ass too.

11

Let's kiss.
Let's fuck.
Let's order pizza.

97

If you have a dirty Mind, you'll never get bored...

23

you remind me of a software update, whenever i see you i think
"not now!"

140

you remind me of a software update, whenever i see you i think
"not now!"

87

eat.
work.
play.
dream.
laugh.
panic.
hope.
smile.
sleep.

repeat.

21

Are you tired? because you've been running through my mind all day

27

According to Instagram
I haven't eaten a meal since forever.

31

I'm not lost,

just searching...

32

This was the mondayest tuesday ever

52

be the kind of gentleman that holds the door
open for your girl, but smacks her ass as she walks in.

127

Ich soll dich vom Niveau grüssen.

Ihr seht euch ja nicht so oft.

58

the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else

134

3 erschreckende Fakten des Tages:

Heute ist kein Freitag.
Morgen ist kein Freitag.
Übermorgen ist kein Freitag.

60

I'm not so sure about an inner child, but I have an inner idiot that surfaces every now and then.

167

Friday, you finally fucking made it!!!!

19

Hey there Friday,
I've been waiting to see your sexy ass since Monday...let's do this.

100

We're all
mad here.

163

Früher war alles besser, gestern war zum Beispiel noch Wochenende.

27

Get rich or drunk trying.

122

Aufstehen ist der erste Schritt in die falsche Richtung.

32

Es ist wirklich hart ein Kaktus zu sein, ständig bist du spitz und keiner will dich anfassen.

34

Manches sollte man einfach liegen lassen.

Mich im Bett zum Beispiel.

33

be weird. be random. be who you are. because otherwise you will never know who would love the person you hide.

158

Did you know, that 3-4 glasses of wine per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit.

143

Sport gibt Dir das Gefühl, dass Du nackt besser aussiehst.

Tequila übrigens auch.

52

Sometimes I want to go back to the days of cartoons, snacks, and naps. Then I remember...coffee, liquor, and porn.

100

An die Person, die meine Schuhe versteckt hat während ich auf der Hüpfburg war:

Werd erwachsen!

35

Put someone's genitals into your mouth and no one bats an eye

eat a chip off the ground and everyone loses their minds.

95

Beauty on the inside doesn't get you free drinks.

133

I got 99 problems but I'm going to take a nap and ignore them all.

47

The key to a long relationship:
keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.

52

You are not stupid, I just think you have bad luck when thinking.

43

Everything I like is expensive, illegal, or won't text me back.

47

treat me like a princess
fuck me like a pornstar

69

LET'S DO SOME "WE SHOULDN'T BE DOING THIS" THINGS.

262

I got 99 problems but I'm gonna take a nap and ignore them all

33

Summer is here. I'm so excited. I wet my plants.

45

People say - Don't fall in love, you might get hurt.
Advice for them - Stop living, you might die.

11

Ironically, the fight between the mind and the heart always ends up hurting the liver.

82

My immaturity keeps me young.

104

I never needed you. I wanted you.

There's a difference.

185

FLY LIKE AN EAGLE.

FUCK LIKE A RABBIT.

111

I'm multitasking,

I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time

160

You.
Me.
Bed.
Now.

37

Let's go camping.

In a hotel.
With a pool. And a spa.

136

Sex with an ex.

Same as if you shower and wear your dirty underwear again.

223

Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.

628

that awkward moment when I'm drunk
and you're still ugly

125

Your ass must get jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth.

240

Telling a girl to "calm down" is like trying to baptize a cat.

148

Here's a tissue, you have a little bullshit on your lip.

218

You remind me of my big toe, cause i'm going to bang you on every piece of furniture I own

273

I just awesomed all over the place.

317

If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

459

I HOPE YOUR DAY IS AS NICE AS YOUR BUTT

250

Whenever I delete an app on my phone,
the shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed •

583

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