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I have too many things to do... so I'm going to develop a multiple personality disorder...

15

Carpe
That
Fucking
Diem

7

Me: for Christmas I
want a unicorn.

Santa: be realistic!

Me: ok I want a
boyfriend.

Santa: what colour do
you want your
unicorn?

153

This meat robot is ready to party.

4

On my way out I scared the shit out of my neighbor's cat. "You know what lesbians eat!?"

18

Better late than pregnant.

24

you will soon be shooting,

but not a star

9

The trouble with political jokes is they get elected.

2

Somebody finally invented a a solar-powered laundry dryer! It's called a "clothes line"

2

He who laughs at himself never runs out of things to laugh at.

3

A boy in Sunday School was asked to recite the Golden Rule: "Do one to others as others do one to you."

1

If I told you
your body was hot..
would you hold it
against me?

9

Facebook: Wasting lives and causing drama since 2004.

8

It always looks like flies are plotting something when they rub their hands together.

5

Have you ever felt like the more you try, the less appreciated you are?

17

Throwing fertilizer on people who need to grow up

13

Karma has no Deadline.

8

Your teeth are very unique.

They remind me of the song "Black and Yellow!"

7

take me by the hand and run away with me

4

i miss pluto :(

pluto -> •

5

Boldomatic Writers Party
Fr 8.3.13, 22h
Revierclub
Zurich
DJs CND

8

Let it burn

19

Get the kind of Friday you deserve.

269

Women don’t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think -- in a deeper voice.

9

I hate when I'm about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.

79

one way or another i'm gonna getcha!

3

blah. my head hurts and it sux.

4

I wish you could hang up on a text.

3

Don't let the Muggles get you down

2

Follow your dreams..
hit the snooze button!

22

Plan your work and work your plan.

7

when you love someone but it goes to waste

2

dhavsjxbavzjxjsoqvsjcondbcisbbsubsbcojbsibcbskcjsbcivjacjc

Ooo... Macarena!

8

If everything fails..
take a
nap •

14

Persist
Until
Something
Happens

3

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap 8 people at once.

13

I have so much to do that I'm going to bed

22

gotta work with watcha got.

7

Sache gits,
die gits gar nid

10

what if the pope resigned because he's pregnant with the new jesus and now mtv makes a show about it called sistine and pregnant..?

26

9

She's a bitch and you're an asshole..
You're perfect for each other •

16

404: Life not found

439

404: Life not found

439

hipsters make me want to punch a unicorn in the junk

277

i remember when music cost money and water was free.

401

90% of women don't like men in pink shirts. Ironically 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women either.

317

Free to choose,
but not free from the consequences of the choice.

227

touché.

274

Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.

259

You don't have a Valentine?

Some people don't have a mother on mother's day or a father on father's day, so
SHUT UP!

269

don't give up on your dreams.

keep sleeping.

496

don't give up on your dreams.

keep sleeping.

496

You drink too much.
You swear too much.
You have no morals.

You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend!

281

It's better to be late, than to arrive ugly.

449

Don't add winky face emoticons to anything unless you want me to take it sexually.

265

My favourite thing about this sentence is that by the time you realise it's not going anywhere, you've already read it.

59

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