Search for #hashtags, @writers or keywords

Posts Liked by anakondaa

It's better to be late, than to arrive ugly.

190

Don't you think there are more legitimate questions than truthful answers?

6

Show a girl you don't care and she'll chase you. Show a woman you don't care and she'll replace you.

51

Ripping out some of the wiring, doesn't mean you aren't still plugged in.

14

liars are an insult to inteligence, they think you are dumb enough to believe them

7

i miss you, like the deserts miss the rain, i miss you

6

i call it morning wood. she calls it breakfast in bed

9

An error doesn't become a mistake until you refuse to correct it

13

Don't make me responsible for your orgasms

10

roses are nice

violets are fine.

ill be the six

if you be the nine.

14

Truth has no agenda

-unknown

6

My girlfriend broke up with me she says blah blah blah not paying attention or something I don't know I wasn't listening

35

We are so consumed and distracted by technology, it's no wonder we have some of our most real and life affirming thoughts, in the shower.

13

My new neighbor screamed on her back patio that she hates everyone.

I already like her.

21

In real love you don't look as to what you can get, but rather what you can give.

4

Move on from the past, be satisfied in the present, and set your goals for the future.

3

Live each day with no regrets...

3

We are the authors of our own life, dont write in pen, you won't be able to erase your mistakes!
:::'':::'':::'':::'':::'':::'':::'':::

2

Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on when others have let go.

2

SOMEONE YOU CARE DEEPLY FOR,
DOESN'T EVEN KNOW.

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

28

I don't care how nice your arse is, just tuck it back in your shorts.

6

Marriage is like a guitar, once the music is over you still have the strings attached.....
$$$!!!!!$$$!!!!$$$
!!!!$$!!!!$$!!!!$$!!!!

1

My four year old is a tough lil cookie.

6

Arrogant & Right is better than being Humble & Wrong.....
¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥

2

Life Lesson

Learn from
your parents'
mistakes.

Use birth control!

8

I
Enjoy
Every
Moment
Of
My
Crazy

14

I was
told
that I
would be
a loser.

BUT I FOOLED EM*

4

Not full of get up & go so much as lay down & die.

181

Having an
orgasm
and calling
out your
own name.

14

all kinds of physical pain are still better than a little wound in your heart or brain

17

If your tongue,
and not the balls, are tingling in your mouth, you could have the wrong meatballs.

And food poisoning.

7

Women are often getting down on themselves; while some men are still trying to go down on themselves...

12

The best people to be around, are the ones you don't have to cover up your scars to be around.

87

Can't you see; you're fighting yourself?

22

Sometimes, I'm just too jaded; I could make Satan blush. And others, I'm so hopeful, I put Pollyanna to shame. I think that's alright.

11

The closer the connection, the deeper the pain!

11

Once upon a time, maxing out the comments was a challenge, we accepted, gleefully.

Good times...Yeah.

11

Burning in day light, glowing at night; it's a fire that cannot be extinguished!

9

In other words, don't let my good nature and sense of humor make you forget or underestimate my dark side. Don't think because I'm kind, that I'm a fucking pushover.
That would be a mistake.

49

Satan is one of my favorite feminists.

13

Always looking for a way to turn off my brain.

15

"I nearly bought you a present today"

Those are words that eveyone wants to hear, right?

Well, thanks.
*nearly*

7

From the outside, everyone must be wondering
why we try?

Why do we try?

8

IF YOU WANT TO WEAR A REAL FUR JACKET,
JUST CUDDLE MY CAT.

23

I hate it when the voices in my head go silent

I never know what those fuckers are planning

9

You clean up well, but I love it when you're dirty.

71

ONLY A BLIND MAN CAN SEE A WOMANS TRUE BEAUTY....

2

my wrists still choke from the perfume of an ivory soap a broken arrow coast led by country roads and broken hopes.
i hear your lies like december and still smell the fever of white substance that was your only pain reliever.
you were a crooked beautiful. a bone dry angel with a heart of gold. its sad to say that winter left your soul to cold.
i still love you though i know its a lie. cus my whispers in the morning are what kept us alive. prayers at dawn. save my angel from walter white

10

The demons just called, we meet at the bar.

38

Don't judge a book by its cover, unless you read it but forgot and it sucks.

18

After lunch, I enjoy taking a walk in the park, breathing some fresh air and throwing cats at people doing yoga.

49

Words

don't need photoshop

111

Ladies, I'm on the market. The creepy, almost out of jail dude market.

18

When life fucks me over, I often think of someone else.

19

I don't usually reveal personal information to strangers but since you asked, yes, I prefer aisle seat.

38

I was queuing for the flight to Tel Aviv but realized my mistake before I lost my foreskin.

18

Here's a night-shot of an elephant giving me a nosejob.

You're welcome.

23

When you are lonely press play.

28

Nine out of ten dentists recommend Colgate. The last one didn't get paid enough.

102

Because, you can't learn how to fix things, until you've mastered breaking.

32

You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

3

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

1

•Family
•Laughter
•Sea
•Open skies
•Good food
•Happiness
•Music
•Love

That's my kind of list.

5

I shall sleep well tonight.

I hope you do too.

6

Dear Pen:

We should definitely hang. I likes* me some dinosaurs.

Word to your mothra*!

Peace,
Godzilla

14

Karma is like 69. You get what you give.

27

You hate me in this life?
Maybe you will understand me, in the next.

21

NEVER resist the urge to play in the sandbox.

DO resist the urge to date in one.

20

A Dream You Dream Alone Is Just A Dream, But A Dream You Dream Together Becomes A Reality.

3

A man who complains about which way the ball bounces is probably a man who dropped it......

2

~A~
~~Hard~~
~~~~Man~~~~
~~~~Is~~~~
~~Good~~
~~~~~To~~~~~
~~~Find~~~

2

Here's all u need to know about men & women, women are crazy n men are stupid, n the reason women are crazy is bcuz men are stupid...

3

It is sad to grow old, but awesome to ripen!!!!

1

Love to much or don't Love enough...... Hell, you can never satisfy everyone, so why try. Screw them, what's important is that you Love yourself first.

2

--You can only be as HAPPY as you allow yourself to be.---

1

oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo When U have to choose between Ur brain or Ur heart, do what Ur brain says bcuz when U follow u heart U eventually get it broken
oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

4

Laughter is timeless, Imagination has no age, Dreams are forever, so Dream On.

2

THE DEEPER THE FEELING THE GREATER THE PAIN....

2

Fear will hold you back but Hope will set you free

"Fearlessly Hope"

3

When I get knocked down I get up again, ain't nothing gunna keep me down! !

3

THE ONLY WAY TO HAVE A FRIEND IS TO BE ONE¤

3

A friend tells u what u want to hear, but a best friend tells u the truth!!!

4

No evil can happen to a good man in life or after death!

1

Be ThE bEsT yOu CaN bE " ,"
¥

1

To All Who Care N Even To Those Who Don't....
"PEACE OUT"
Or
"PUT OUT"

2

A pretty face doesn't always mean a pretty heart!

5

We are best friends, so if u fall, I will be there to pick u up....
.....After I Finish Laughing of course.

6

I believe in music like some believe in Fairytales.

6

Anyone can hate for free. But there is a cost for love. The cost is, we give freely and willingly and expect nothing in return.

8

THE
PERFECT
MARTINI

1. Pour gin, vermouth, olive into the trash where they belong.

DRINK
BOURBON

6

You can't help nobody if you can't tell 'em the right story

4

all those that wonder are thinking.

7

"Why do we kill people who kill people to show that killing people is wrong."

Just think how much that man in Oklahoma suffered, 43 minutes.

I'm not a death penalty proponant.

10

G_ F_CK
Y__R S_LF

Wanna* buy a vowel?

9

Laugh alone and everybody else
thinks you're an idiot.

22

She's brighter than the darkness.

12

Typos aren't my biggest problem--
Thinko's are!!

13

I just read an article on my ipad about the evils and dangers of drinking.
I think I'll stop--reading.

68

When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing"
It does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.

146

the words always walk alone and sometimes, they used us like excuses and they laugh about the stories we invent... bullshit, they say.

34

You know that voice that says, "Don't do that"?

Yeah, I don't have one of those.

99

Always love a women for her personality.

They have like 10, so you can choose.

145

Here's to another Friday evening of false optimism about the weekend

51

Follow your inner moonlight;

don't hide the madness.

63

love is tears between hearts

50

If men could get pregnant, not only abortion would be legal, but birth control would be free, mandatory and bacon-flavored

80

i've been single for a while and i have to say it's going very well.

i think i'm the one

168

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day unless you have dinner with me.

97

THINK

INK

40

$oooO ( ) \ ( \,,,,) Oooo ( ) ) / (,,,,/ Catch Me If You Can$

61

People complain about auto correct but it’s helpful 99% of the titties.

95

A perfectly useable set of 24 hours wasted on total and utter bullshit.. Oh how I love sundays!

64

I'm worried.

I think I might be a people person.

66

I hate it when the voices in my head go silent...

I never know what those fuckers are planning...

164

I visited my psycho- therapist the other day...

he cried a lot.

68

Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

94

We are all neighbors. Whether it be next door, by city, by state, by country, or by continent.

79

you see the
world in ways
that other
people dont.

it's your gift to
see the beauty
and the horror in
ordinary things.

90

That moment when you must recorrect auto correct correcting you, to properly swear in a text message.

101

beautiful things don't ask for attention

159

I don't give a fuck.
I mean I do, but fuck it.

149

Sorry, but your password must contain a capital letter, two numbers,
a symbol, an inspiring message, a spell,
a gang sign,
a hieroglyph and the blood of a virgin.

200

It is not our differences that divide us. It's our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences.

121

not single but in love with freedom

127

Complaining about the weather is about as intelligent as complaining about gravity, you can't do a thing about it unless you go really fucking far

away.

90

What if when we die the light at the end of the tunnel we see is just us being pushed out of another vagina?

163

The first word I want to teach my kid is "brains".

Then, until he/she learns another word, I'll have the cutest little zombie ever.

184

Pain
is just
a French
word for bread.

138

The only thing we learn from history is that we don't learn from history.

166

100% of non-
smokers die too.

184

Irony is 15 year old mothers using protective covers on their smartphones

194

Yeah, you're pretty from a distance...
at night... under a rock.

115

I romantically stand outside your window and hold up my iPhone to blast OUR song...

...a 30sec ad video
plays first.

109

If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair, you're fooling yourself. That's like expecting the lion not to eat you beacuse you didn't eat him.

230

Stress balls really work when you shove them down someone's throat.

152

The sweetest kiss I ever got is the one I never tasted.

94

the problem is not being a sheep, the problem is following the wrong shepherd

133

When people tell me I'm insane, the voice in my head tells me I'm normal.

141

Relationship status:

Looking for a WiFi connection.

163

I 'm gonna hang a Batman outfit in my closet just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer's.

197

I wish you would listen closer to the songs I play. The lyrics are the words I fail to say.

224

Haters will see you walk on water and say its because you can't swim.

212

thank god
i'm an atheist!

118

i sock at spelling

87

having a vagina doesn't stop me from believing that my balls are bigger than yours.

201

She said "tell me something super dirty", I said "Your kitchen bitch!"

129

I celebrate diversity

I have all kinds of problems

119

If Adam and Eve were Chinese,
we would still be in paradise because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake.

210

Girls we love for what they are; men for what they promise to be.

87

may i
please
hold
your hand
and walk
with you
in the
quiet
comfort of
a silent
peace

102

only when a mosquito lands on your testicles, you realize there's a way to solve problems without using violence.

185

An Australian kiss is like a French kiss

but Down Under

154

Your pants say yoga, but your ass says McDonalds!

204

Would you like to sit next to you at dinner?

71

Did you know that if you put your ear up a strangers leg you can hear them say:
What the fuck are you doing?!?

258

"How do you know when it's over?"

"Maybe when you feel more in love with your memories than with the person standing right in front of you."

256

They say that beauty is on the inside, but I've seen enough crime scenes to know that's not true.

160

Spring needs to stand up to winter and kick it in the snowballs.

174

Do you believe in miracles?

Me neither.

I believe in risks, faith and tequila.

183

One day I'll buy new shoes without taking off my current shoes to see what size they are. One day.

103

What do you call the space between Pamela Anderson's breasts?
Silicon Valley.

140

I followed my heart and it led me into the fridge.

278

No matter what kind of instant noodles you buy, they all taste like poverty and loneliness.

181

if you walk a mile in my shoes you'll end up at the bar.

199

Normal is getting
dressed in clothes
that you buy for work
& driving through traffic
in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, aaaand the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to leave in it...

171

YOUNG, WILD AND RETARDED.

262

7 BILLION PEOPLE, 14 BILLION FACES.

254

Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less.

C. S. Lewis

239

Do you remember the time when we were all in peace?

Yeah, me neither.

197

Let's get drunk and fall in love every other weekend.

243

We're going to buy a dog or have a child, but can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or our lives.

188

now i've got this feeling once again, i can't explain, you would not understand, this is not how i am

i... have become comfortably numb

186

If I wanted to please everyone, I were born as Nutella

311

To be in the 1%, you have to do what 99% won't.

288

Dear Ex,

Please don't be fooled by Adele, you'll never find someone like me.

377

Never trust a warm toilet seat

303

The things about beards; they kind of grow on you.

150

Porn titles always lack depth and imagination. Yes, we all know college girl is trying anal for the 1st time, but what's her major? Her dreams?

151

Favorite type of music to play during sex?

You.

198

I'm in competition
with no one..
have no desire
to play the game of being better than anyone..
just simply trying to be better than the person I was yesterday •

445

Major feed performance improvements for everyone.

Smile.

121

If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between shit and syphillis!

407

Right now, somebody is hard at work in a factory, shoving chocolate eggs up a bunny's ass, for you.

196

until 0% battery do us part

337

Explore.
Dream.
Discover.
Believe.

318

Yes mom I know my room is a mess it's a metaphor for my life, i'm trying to be poetic.

462

I love waving at random people, because you know for the rest of the day they're trying to figure out who the hell you were.

788

With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything

783

Telling a girl to "calm down" is like trying to baptize a cat.

566

Today, 2 year olds can unlock an iPhone, open and close their favorite apps all by themselves.

When I was that age,
I was eating dirt.

617

Wear me like you mean it.

205

we live for nights nobody can remember with people we'll never forget

356

Voices in your head - normal

Listening to them - common

Arguing with them - acceptable

Losing the argument - BIG PROBLEM

703

The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.

823

Negative people need drama like oxygen. Stay positive and you'll take their breath away.

629

Try to be less of a fucking piece of shit than you were yesterday.

- Buddha

531

I like the nights.

Some of my best days were nights.

582

life is what happens when you put your phone down.

928

My internet was down for 5 minutes so I went downstairs and spoke to my family.

They seem like nice people.

1135

i just burnt my tongue on some food

they say the ones you love hurt you the most

797

And maybe at night when we're all a little too tired and a little too truthful, that's when we see ourselves for who we really are.

564

Ladies, lets take extra long to look stunning for all the guys we'll be ignoring tonight.

590

My immaturity keeps me young.

470

in Denmark, we're so rich

we pay with crowns

564

They should ask us who we are instead of what we want to be.

526

Sun goes down earlier for short people.

664

My doctor asked if anyone in my family was suffering from mental illness. I said; "no, we all seem to enjoy it"

812

I love making people who don't like me hate me more by just being me.

612

Tequila + me = lucky you!

276

You remind me of my big toe, cause i'm going to bang you on every piece of furniture I own

470

show more

About Help Contact Copyright Privacy Terms