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Yeah, I tried to order a burrito at the ATM. So what?

30

Special of the day:
Chaos and mayhem with a side of disorder

15

Gluten is what killed Gandhi

14

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

13

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

11

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

11

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

11

Back in my day I rode my bike without helmet & I turned out fine.
And you know what else?
Back in my day I rode my bike without helmet & I turned out fine.

8

a little disorder in your mechanism can be good.

really fucking good.

8

Am I like a dog? Should you be able to feel my ribs and not see them?
I think I'll go eat something.

8

Finding friends with the same mental disorder

priceless!

6

I want to upgrade my depression to the one that makes you create 'Starry Night' and not the one that has you lay in bed and try to eat a bagel without using your hands.

6

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