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'Don't do that, you'll look like...'

'Don't do that, people will think you're...'

Little do you know, I am already all these things that you dread me turning into. The problems are already here- embedded deep where you don't see.

17

AT THE STORE THERE WAS A BIG X FOR ME TO STAND ON....
I'VE SEEN TOO MANY ROAD RUNNER CARTOONS TO FALL FOR THAT ONE !

13

I am a robot:

Welcome to 2015 and enjoy your stay

10

The beeping noise from the microwave is always 100x's louder at night

9

Devotion's a different kind of discipline, dipshits don't discern, but diminish.

5

The washing machine,
And the microwave compete,
Who can beep the most.

9

Feel the flesh tear under my fingernails as I rake them across my skin

Hear the silent screams that are muffled, as always, by my bed pillow

8

Construction company required.
Small area, between two ears.
Needs completely gutting out and refurbishing - it's been rather let go and nothing in there is any good, any more.

How soon can you get here?

5

OK, IF WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A ONE -WAY GROCERY AISLE THEN I'M
GOING TO NEED A
PASSING LANE !

4

when you start beeping your own voice messages to friends, it is time for bed

3

BEEP

1

Sorry, I can't pick up the phone right now, on account of I'm wrestling ghosts in the dead sea, and I'm a bipolar paranoid stupid bitch. Please, leave a message.

0

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