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The problem with opinions is that even idiots are allowed to have them

10

Don't promise when you're happy.
Don't reply when you're angry.
Don't decide when
you're sad.

16

LIFE...(n)*

A sexually-transmitted,
terminal disease.

7

People are really great as long as you don't get to know them

12

People will stop asking questions if you answer
them with interpretive
dance

12

I wish dogs lived longer. There was a cure for cancer. Everyone was happy. Chocolate had no calories, and all children and pets had a loving home.

9

I used to think the problem was that people were really dumb but as I get older I realize that the problem is actually that people are really dumb AND confident.

11

When the aliens come and kill us all, you'll regret all the time you spent dieting

13

Compliment people, because it magnifies their strengths, not their weaknesses.

9

Sometimes it's sad to look up and see everyone staring at their phones but then I remember how glad I am that they're not talking to me.

9

You can stop believing in gravity, but the apple will still fall from the tree.

4

If the comment you want to write on your Instagram post is more than 15 words you should probably just write it down and read it to your therapist

8

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