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Was so depressed last night, called LifeLine 0800 543 354. Got connected to a call center in Afganistan. Told them I was suicidal. They got all excited & asked me if I could drive a truck.

44

A
MAN'S
HOME
IS
HIS
CASTLE,
UNTIL
HIS
QUEEN
ARRIVES.

20

What's
worse than January?

Dry January.

19

When somebody leads with,"Okay, this joke might not be funny" they're probably right.

7

If your left hand is cut then your right hand is left.

11

Not only are we not playing,
I even suck at predicting the games :-(

#Dutch

9

When people say to me that the planet is overcrowded, I usually ask them why they have kids then.

Funny how they never think of their own kids as 'too many'.

8

trying to embarass me is so unnecessary. I do it to myself just fine.

7

If you have to explain the joke it probably wasn't funny to begin with

7

99 times out of 100 if you are the only one laughing at the joke, it probably wasn't funny in the first place.

6

Lieber das Sandwich in der Hand als die Taube auf dem Dach

4

"...durch dick und dünn..."

kann man bei dir dann wohl so stehn lassen.

4

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