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I
WILL
NOT
KEEP CALM
&
YOU
CAN
FUCK OFF

74

and she is dancing
to the fridge again

40

And maybe the universe is just an old lady in a callcenter.

29

You'll find me in the fridge

19

You can lift
yours up,
without putting
mine down.

29

"Just so we're all
clear, it's okay to
miss people you
no longer want in
your life."

23

Imagine this:
You're home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers 'Bless you' and hangs up.

23

Vagina is the only food that never gets cold.

31

"And if you call me at 4 am, too sad
to even say hello, I will listen to
your silence until you fall asleep."

22

The number you have called is tired of your crap.
Please hang up, change your attitude, and try your call again..

Beeeep!

11

Some of my best and deepest memories come from when my first son was newly born. I used to lay with him upon the bed and in the calm still of the empty new house I would lie there and just listen to him breathing while he slept. It has been the closest I have ever been to heaven on this Earth!

20

I'm not a hot mess.

I'm a spicy disaster.

22

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