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A dyslexic man walks into a bra ..

$80% of the people are not good at math. I guess I belong to the other 25%$

The most important rules of life:

1. use things, not people

2. love people, not things

I'm kinda nervous about 2014 because
2+0+1+4= 7

...and you know how many nipples Hitler would have if he had 5 more?

Thats right, 7.

Laundry is the only thing that should be separated by colour...

Kid: Dear Santa, send me a brother!

Santa: Send me your mother.

Zettelchen unter das Bett geklebt, für das Monster!

Es möge heute Nacht bitte oben schlafen, fühle mich einsam...

I could be social if people were more like books.

War is when the government tells you who the enemy is.

Revolution is when you figure it out yourself.

Theres a fine line between flirty and creepy.
And that line is called being good looking.

I will be posting telepathically today..
so if you think of something funny, that was me •

So, a man walks into a bar with a monkey wearing a taxedo. I forgot the rest of the joke but your girlfriend is a whore.

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