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You remind me of my toes because I'm going to bang you on every piece of furniture I own.

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Sex on television doesn't harm you unless you fall off.

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Shy people usually turn out to be some of the coolest people you know after you start talking to them.

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Eating a salad at McDonalds is like going to a prostitute for a hug.

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My love for you is like a candle.

The moment you forget me I'll burn your house down.

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Most people cry when they cut onions.

The trick is not to form an emotional bond.

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My boss didn't know I drank until one day I came to the office sober.

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Sometimes the best thing about my job is that the chair spins.

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