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Posts Liked by SarcasticBitch

I'm glad I've got boobs.

The last thing i need is people making eye contact with me.

24

be the kind of gentleman that holds the door
open for your girl, but smacks her ass as she walks in.

45

As a little girl I always started crying when someone pulled my hair.

How things change.

52

If I design sex toys for a living does that make me a fucking engineer...

57

I don't have any bad habits.

I am good at all of them.

205

does running away from my problems count as jogging?

278

I'm not the type of person you should put on speaker phone.

196

Either I'm in love or i'm in trouble.

178

My body is a temple...

Unfortunately,
I have no respect for religion.

142

See you all in church.

Just kidding, meet you at the bar.

72

You're so fake,
even China denied they made you.

98

If Internet Explorer is brave enough to ask you to be your default browser, you're brave enough to ask that girl out.

217

I had a great time last night...well thats what the police report says.

238

For the last time...

I didn't text you last night...

Vodka did.

21

I put the HOT in Psychotic.

29

I dont have exes, I have Y's. Y the fuck did I date you?

95

Quit playing. Let's just
show and tell...

63

Brutal honesty
and vodka,
go together
like wine and
bad decisions.

27

all i want is someone
to tell me i look nice without my lipstick on

2

Turn off my brain, please.
For the love of satan.

3

You would not fucking believe me if I told you.

8

Wow, that was rather inappropriate.

Let's be friends.

193

Dear Life

Please stop fucking me in broad daylight.
I would much rather prefer it under the cover of darkness.

yours sincerely
me

173

You know something bad is about to happen when someone says

"Hold my beer and watch this."

214

Those who were seen dancing, were thought mad by those who could not hear the music.

8

I need a hug or 6 shots of vodka.

264

Why is it that when you think of someone you like, the tendency to smile like a blithering idiot shortly comes after?

18

I HOPE YOUR DAY IS AS NICE AS YOUR BUTT

1035

I live for the nights that I can't remember with the people I won't forget.

478

I sing and dance in my yard like nobody else lives in my neighborhood.

11

They should ask us who we are instead of what we want to be.

526

Like...
Perfectly squared, flashtube lightning.

2

If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between shit and syphillis!

407

This sounds like a good strategy: stay alive.

11

Do you believe in miracles?

Me neither.

I believe in risks, faith and tequila.

183

I'm having a party
A party for two
Ain't invitin' nobody
Nobody but you •

21

a little party never killed nobody

27

When you feel that nobody loves you,
nobody cares for you,
everyone is ignoring you,
and people are jealous of you.
You should really ask yourself:

Am I too sexy?!

114

We are living in a world where the truth is often politically incorrect

17

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