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Posts Liked by salemdrunk

reasons to get out of bed:

food

17

previously on the show you've been watching for ten days straight

12

My only talents are looking pissed off without trying, breathing and complaining.

23

The only disadvantage to cereals is that you can't hear the tv while eating them.

20

Sometimes I want to go back to the days of cartoons, snacks, and naps. Then I remember...coffee, liquor, and porn.

100

cop: who the hell ordered all these pizzas?!

me: you said I got one call...

38

Put someone's genitals into your mouth and no one bats an eye

eat a chip off the ground and everyone loses their minds.

95

Can't
stop drinking about
you.

19

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