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Posts Liked by OnlineGuy

When days are long and nights are endless
Seek the lonely, and the friendless

21

When days are long and nights are endless
Seek the lonely, and the friendless

40

Summer is here. I'm so excited. I wet my plants.

45

Summer is here. I'm so excited. I wet my plants.

20

be a generous friend and a fair enemy

22

be a generous friend and a fair enemy

19

So, I think it's about time we get honest with children about how they're bad at most things.

40

So, I think it's about time we get honest with children about how they're bad at most things.

14

Nobody changes until the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of change.

18

Nobody changes until the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of change.

75

There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart!

18

There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart!

14

Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason I have trust issues

19

Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason I have trust issues

16

so many humans so little humanity

16

so many humans so little humanity

78

after all the
balance in the
world, I am now
zenophobic

11

after all the
balance in the
world, I am now
zenophobic

8

MAKE AMERICA
GIGGLE
AGAIN

18

MAKE AMERICA
GIGGLE
AGAIN

13

Another Trump in the Wall

43

Another Trump in the Wall

13

if
anything goes, become a thing

13

if
anything goes, become a thing

17

I get road rage walking behind people.

31

I get road rage walking behind people.

24

Sometimes,
the right words
just show up at
the right time.

79

Sometimes,
the right words
just show up at
the right time.

24

if hope dies last, how would I know?

17

if hope dies last, how would I know?

12

A baby's laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear.

Unless it's 3am.

And you're home alone.

And you don't have a baby.

240

A baby's laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear.

Unless it's 3am.

And you're home alone.

And you don't have a baby.

20

for peace of mind know when to give a shit and what fuck can be spared

12

for peace of mind know when to give a shit and what fuck can be spared

15

NOT ALL RELATIONSHIPS WILL LEAD TO MARRIAGE ,
SOME WILL HELP YOU DISCOVER NEW RESTAURANTS

29

NOT ALL RELATIONSHIPS WILL LEAD TO MARRIAGE ,
SOME WILL HELP YOU DISCOVER NEW RESTAURANTS

25

you can learn a lot about a woman by the way she torches your car.

19

So tired of stupid
Don't leave the house

18

So tired of stupid
Don't leave the house

20

Show me all you have

Nah, that's not what I mean

16

Show me all you have

Nah, that's not what I mean

21

waiting for political systems to get better is like waiting for a ship at the airport.

23

my gift to you is that i'm different.

16

my gift to you is that i'm different.

24

I'm so glad to be one of those people who can listen to music without jogging...

17

and
from time
to time
a little sigh

20

and
from time
to time
a little sigh

18

Keep them stupid.
Keep them busy. Keep them poor.

23

Keep them stupid.
Keep them busy. Keep them poor.

20

With everything that's going on in the world, remember, there's also peace.

19

With everything that's going on in the world, remember, there's also peace.

18

a fart is a wish your butt makes

15

a fart is a wish your butt makes

22

my reality check bounced.

21

Trust nothing but hips.

They don't lie.

17

Trust nothing but hips.

They don't lie.

20

i treat people the way i want to be treated.
i leave them the fuck alone.

20

Today give a stranger one of your smiles..
it might be the only sunshine he sees all day •

20

Today give a stranger one of your smiles..
it might be the only sunshine he sees all day •

92

live your dream

but shut up!

27

live your dream

but shut up!

22

Work like you don't need the money.
Or like you've already spent it. Whatever.

17

Work like you don't need the money.
Or like you've already spent it. Whatever.

26

Summer is
careless
adventure.
Winter is
when shit
gets real.

52

Summer is
careless
adventure.
Winter is
when shit
gets real.

20

Winning isn't everything.

Rubbing it in the face of your enemy is also very important.

28

Winning isn't everything.

Rubbing it in the face of your enemy is also very important.

44

Love & eggs are best when they're fresh.

33

Love & eggs are best when they're fresh.

19

they still believe in god, but act like there is none.

13

is fucktastrophe a word? because i feel it would be very useful...

21

London Bridge is down

18

London Bridge is down

14

He who is hot before it is hot is twice as hot.
She who is not hot before it is hot is not as hot as he who is not hot.

20

He who is hot before it is hot is twice as hot.
She who is not hot before it is hot is not as hot as he who is not hot.

26

Satan called.

He wants his weather back.

21

Satan called.

He wants his weather back.

34

Please don't complain if you are so attached to your problem that you are not really committed to solving it.

26

Please don't complain if you are so attached to your problem that you are not really committed to solving it.

20

after six months of evaluation from a therapist, her diagnosis was "low income".

16

My brother is gay and my parents don't care, as long as he marries a doctor.

67

My brother is gay and my parents don't care, as long as he marries a doctor.

18

hold hands not guns

29

hold hands not guns

18

You can't be late until you show up

25

You can't be late until you show up

32

I'm at my manliest when a website tells me my password is 'very strong'.

38

I'm at my manliest when a website tells me my password is 'very strong'.

17

I don't like being told what to do unless I am Naked

28

I don't like being told what to do unless I am Naked

28

Love is when you're drunk and sober calling the same woman...

20

Love is when you're drunk and sober calling the same woman...

18

I can see beerly now the brain has gone.

32

I can see beerly now the brain has gone.

16

Every dead body on Mt. Everest was once a highly motivated person.

18

Every dead body on Mt. Everest was once a highly motivated person.

18

I LOVE THE SMELL OF POSSIBILITY IN THE MORNING.

37

I LOVE THE SMELL OF POSSIBILITY IN THE MORNING.

24

Once you learn how much you're worth you'll stop giving people discounts.

20

Roses are red, here's something new. Violets are violet, not fucking blue

27

Roses are red, here's something new. Violets are violet, not fucking blue

66

You're my favorite place to go when my mind searches for peace.

24

You're my favorite place to go when my mind searches for peace.

29

If you fuck up and unfuck your fuck up and nobody seen the fuckery, did you even fuck up at all ??

29

If you fuck up and unfuck your fuck up and nobody seen the fuckery, did you even fuck up at all ??

21

Did you test your free will today?

25

Did you test your free will today?

26

If a girl says 'have fun.'
do not have fun. Abort mission. I repeat.
Abort mission.

48

If a girl says 'have fun.'
do not have fun. Abort mission. I repeat.
Abort mission.

25

Confidence is the present tense of hope.

75

Confidence is the present tense of hope.

18

#WeStandWithUkraine

14

You never realize what you have until it's gone.
For example, Toilet Paper.

21

You never realize what you have until it's gone.
For example, Toilet Paper.

44

#WeStandWithUkraine

44

3 horrible things in life:

1) Seeing your mom cry.

2) Seeing the love of your life fall in love with somebody else.

3) Slow Internet.

52

A perfectly useable set of 24 hours wasted on total and utter bullshit.. Oh how I love sundays!

31

A perfectly useable set of 24 hours wasted on total and utter bullshit.. Oh how I love sundays!

22

Alexa, who cares?

28

Alexa, who cares?

16

I've tried to catch it
many times, to share
in all the hype but sadly the excitement comes
from vision without sight.

14

I've tried to catch it
many times, to share
in all the hype but sadly the excitement comes
from vision without sight.

30

I think my problem is that I have really fantastic
bad ideas.

49

I think my problem is that I have really fantastic
bad ideas.

32

almost without exception, anyone who starts a war in the name of peace, is a peace of shit.

49

almost without exception, anyone who starts a war in the name of peace, is a peace of shit.

23

When something is gained through sacrifice,
it will always feel incomplete.

17

When something is gained through sacrifice,
it will always feel incomplete.

28

i love it when the coffee kicks in and i realize what an adorable badass i'm going to be today.

22

i love it when the coffee kicks in and i realize what an adorable badass i'm going to be today.

27

the new you is the old you plus one moment.

26

the moment you realise 2022 is pronounced "2020 too".

27

Merry Stuff
and Such ya
crazy fuckers.

9

Merry Stuff
and Such ya
crazy fuckers.

13

You can do anything they tell you.

The chains won't hurt if you stand still.

21

a "perfect marriage"
is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other

21

a "perfect marriage"
is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other

29

Use your madness to create your masterpiece.

17

Use your madness to create your masterpiece.

61

tomorrow (noun)

a mystical land where 99 percent of all human productivity, motivation and achievement is stored.

51

tomorrow (noun)

a mystical land where 99 percent of all human productivity, motivation and achievement is stored.

25

HOW CAN EMPTINESS BE SO HEAVY?

21

This world isn't

white, male
and hetero!

19

art
is the ether
of meaning

15

art
is the ether
of meaning

28

my head is
a library,

my heart is
a kitchen .

21

art
is the ether
of meaning

14

children are our messengers to the future

23

If only my teeth were as white as my legs

16

They asked me for drugs, so I told them about your smile.

25

Facebook and Instagram are down

get a life

20

Facebook and Instagram are down

get a life

21

Just when one of us thinks we got the last word.. it becomes the first word of the next argument.

15

Sometimes
life is blanketed nicely in an oven and sometimes
it's flipping in
a wok!

22

Sometimes
life is blanketed nicely in an oven and sometimes
it's flipping in
a wok!

17

If you wait long enough to make dinner, everyone will just eat cereal.

It's science.

14

If you wait long enough to make dinner, everyone will just eat cereal.

It's science.

23

things are not
acceptable
just because
you are
priviliged
and able to ignore them

31

Being an adult is the dumbest thing I have ever tried.

28

If you're not on some government watch list, are you even living bruh?

23

Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to.

Unless you' re in prison.

28

Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to.

Unless you' re in prison.

76

Doing a good job as part of a team is like wetting your pants in a dark suit.

You get a warm feeling but no one else notices.

23

Taking one for the team when you've never left the bench.

40

Taking one for the team when you've never left the bench.

13

sorry i'm late for work i took the long way round the building twice because it's sunny and i didn't wanna come

28

I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do, it's because I missed the exit

23

Where I am today
is my starting point.
Who I am today
is my starting point.
My failures and successes
of the past,
my fears and hopes
of the future
are all shadows.

Today is my reality, and I'll use it to create my world.

29

For every
ray of light,
there is a point
of darkness.
For every
shadow;
the sun.

31

For every
ray of light,
there is a point
of darkness.
For every
shadow;
the sun.

20

it's getting dark in this little heart of mine

15

Hearts are wild creatures

that's why our ribs are cages

34

Hearts are wild creatures

that's why our ribs are cages

71

In my humble opinion, this meaning of life can go fuck itself.

18

Life is thick with the Fog of Opinion.

Keep on a humble path, there's hope for stumbling on some truth.

37

Life is thick with the Fog of Opinion.

Keep on a humble path, there's hope for stumbling on some truth.

17

Dark humor is like me.

Not everyone gets it.

13

Dark humor is like me.

Not everyone gets it.

29

I'm excited that the phrase ' get the fuck away from me' is no longer rude but a public service announcement...

13

Sitting at my daughter's pretend restaurant.
The service is horrible here and the prices are outrageous.

19

Sitting at my daughter's pretend restaurant.
The service is horrible here and the prices are outrageous.

31

Dirty mind.

Clean delivery.

23

When the cockroaches are wearing party hats, it's time to clean the kitchen.

21

When the cockroaches are wearing party hats, it's time to clean the kitchen.

89

Hayfever is snot very nice

19

Don't turn my
head with
pretty words

Move me,
with raw
honesty

And take my
breath away

54

Be Gentle When Needed,
Be Rough When Wanted

26

Intuition
is such
a tease

15

Intuition
is such
a tease

16

It's not as bad as you think

It's worse

30

People who remind me of myself are the worst

19

People who remind me of myself are the worst

44

We never fully recover from our childhood

33

Do you have to leave so soon?

I was just about to poison the tea.

45

Your touch burns through me trailing tails of ice. In our fevered love I can't tell if you're my sickness or my cure.

25

You put a fever inside me

and i've been cold since you left

17

You put a fever inside me

and i've been cold since you left

23

the more i light my lighter, the lighter my lighter gets until it's too light to light

28

the more i light my lighter, the lighter my lighter gets until it's too light to light

23

If you can stay pefectly balanced, you're not reaching high enough.

20

Emotionally stable as an Ikea Table

35

When you have more than you need build a bigger table - not a higher fence.

27

When you have more than you need build a bigger table - not a higher fence.

56

Why should my future be in those dust filled stars?

13

We are the consciousness of the universe reflecting on itself.

22

We are the consciousness of the universe reflecting on itself.

17

1 light year is
9.4 trillion kilometers

the observable
universe is
93 billion light years
in diameter

let that sink in
for a while

24

you don't need to do major things to help, these small things are what others really need

22

you don't need to do major things to help, these small things are what others really need

16

It takes a female to have a baby,
It takes a woman to raise a child,
It takes a mother to raise them correctly,
It takes a warrior to show them how to change the world.

31

it's so hard being a single mother when you don't have any kids and you're a male.

33

it's so hard being a single mother when you don't have any kids and you're a male.

64

Patience is for beginners
I prefer to freak out right away

33

i have this bumper sticker that says "honk if you think i'm sexy" and then i wait at green lights until i feel better about myself.

23

i have this bumper sticker that says "honk if you think i'm sexy" and then i wait at green lights until i feel better about myself.

135

Jokes about Tofu are really tasteless

35

The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?'

30

Only together can we avoid herd mentality.

28

When lockdown is over, let's never tell some people.

25

When lockdown is over, let's never tell some people.

29

To the guy
who invented the zero,

thanks for nothing!

28

wicked chickens lay deviled eggs

24

wicked chickens lay deviled eggs

21

I can't wait to hide all the Easter candy for the kids inside my stomach.

31

I can't wait to hide all the Easter candy for the kids inside my stomach.

17

It's just this thing we do
that makes life worth living.

15

sometimes you get very tired of sending good vibes in the direction of people, in whose direction you should be simply throwing an iron.

28

and in the end,
the mess you take

is equal to the mess you make.

25

Today I got my hair cut for the first time since last fall.

In it, the hairdresser found three of my missing hair clips, a novel and a bitten roll.

19

Most men don't
even understand what precautions a woman
has to take to get to their car at night or get home after a party. What are
we scared of?

Not women, ghosts,
vampires or aliens.

Men.

20

Kids show you the world with different eyes...

sleepy ones, with dark circles and eye bags

31

Me and my parents are so Like-minded.
Whatever I like, they mind.

29

Abracafuckthusshit

19

May I never lose my childish curiosity

20

Learn to find magic in the ordinary.

25

A big shout out to all the weeds that are growing through the concrete right now.

20

You're not
in a serious relationship until he
leaves you in a
room alone with
his phone.

23

You're not
in a serious relationship until he
leaves you in a
room alone with
his phone.

47

sheep fear the wolf but it is the shepherd who sells them to the slaughter

32

If animals could speak to us, they
wouldn't.

34

If animals could speak to us, they
wouldn't.

41

If you think cancel culture is a solution, then you're part of the problem.

31

Some people say. Just hanging out with me is a bad habit.

16

Some people say. Just hanging out with me is a bad habit.

28

We have to reschedule the Apocalypse, Pestilence phoned in sick again

22

This is going to be a day where my beer needs a beer.

18

Falling flat on your face counts as a step forward

37

Falling flat on your face counts as a step forward

34

Top Notch

Mediocrity

21

Top Notch

Mediocrity

22

My anxiety is top-notch.

I can regret the past and fear the future at the same time.

24

First there was ice.

Then there was the anthropocene.

In the end there will be fire.

20

Fire may destroy the book, but never the story.

41

Fire may destroy the book, but never the story.

37

your assumptions are your windows on the world.
scrub them off every once in a while,
or the light won't come in.

23

That sexual moaning you make when you're eating something really tasty.

25

So far it has been an absolutely flawless year for me

20

2020 /
cancelled

2021 /
TBC

6

2020 /
cancelled

2021 /
TBC

15

THE MASKS ARE HUNG BY THE CHIMNEY WITH CARE IN HOPES THE VACCINE WILL SOON BE HERE

15

THE MASKS ARE HUNG BY THE CHIMNEY WITH CARE IN HOPES THE VACCINE WILL SOON BE HERE

23

a virgin getting pregnant, l can believe. but three wise men?

85

The bravest thing
you will ever do
is live again.

31

Don't ask for what you can't protect

10

Don't ask for what you can't protect

23

your perception of me is a reflection of you.

36

You make me smile...

And also super horny, but that's not the point.

32

You make me smile...

And also super horny, but that's not the point.

203

Snow falls.

Cold hands.

Hot mug.

Red face.

Warm heart.

Peace reigns.

19

I didn't realize I was addicted to the thunder until
it was quiet.

18

No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.

41

the beginning
is the end, we
are the space
between

19

“Now soccer is left without its God.”

16

Start where you are.
Use what you have.
Do what you can.

58

The digital age
So much communication
But so little said.

34

FOR THE MOMENT RIDE THE TIGER.

5

The pain will leave once it has finished teaching you

34

The pain will leave once it has finished teaching you

35

I Finished Your Laundry, The Ashes Are In The Fire Place.

22

I know I'm going to hell in gasoline panties,
but I have no control over the dark shit I find funny.

21

If we all gave a little extra, it would be more than enough.

34

If we all gave a little extra, it would be more than enough.

48

fucktivity

35

That cloud looks like an elephant who drank a little too much tequila.

7

Sind wir nicht alle ein
bißchen Risikogebiet?!

27

nothing rhymes with orange.

it's probably lonely

12

nothing rhymes with orange.

it's probably lonely

11

Overnosing the rear cavity, may net you a fowl reality

23

Overnosing the rear cavity, may net you a fowl reality

10

feels like normality took off its bra

23

sometimes you meet someone and you know from the first moment that you want to spend your whole life without them

43

sometimes you meet someone and you know from the first moment that you want to spend your whole life without them

56

Deal with it.

31

The only really dramatic thing about mascara is when it's not water proof.

29

We're expecting 2 or 3 feet of drama tonight, with bullshit blowing in from everywhere. High possibility of "go, fuck yourself" at late night.

70

We're expecting 2 or 3 feet of drama tonight, with bullshit blowing in from everywhere. High possibility of "go, fuck yourself" at late night.

26

There are various versions of most species,some may be better than the rest,
but at least I am me.

35

You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world,

And there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches.

21

OK, I was wrong.

But at least I've been a major asshole about it.

22

One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through and it will be someone else's survival guide.

27

One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through and it will be someone else's survival guide.

26

There is no right
way to do life.

There is only
stuff that works
& stuff that
doesn't

20

Voting gives us an opportunity to choose from options that were chosen for us.

28

Don't let anyone dim your light just because it's shining in their eyes.

37

A long line shouldn't deter you from voting if it doesn't keep you from your latte each morning. #GoVote

10

The average male penis is one unwanted picture long.

27

It's OK. It's 2020.

Everything sucks and everyone is an asshole and don't even try putting it together !

13

Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome

36

I'M TIRED MEETING THE SAME PEOPLE IN DIFFERENT BODIES

40

You're cold and I burn.

8

At the edge of madness there are still deck chairs available.

26

I cannot brain today....

I has the dumb.....

20

TIP OF THE DAY:

Never hold your fart in because they travel up your spine, into your brain and that's where your shit ideas come from •

24

TIP OF THE DAY:

Never hold your fart in because they travel up your spine, into your brain and that's where your shit ideas come from •

65

That blob of toothpaste on your toothbrush, is called a “nurdle.”

11

You'll find me in the fridge

19

just wanted to update everyone on the fact that absolutely nothing new is happening in my life

65

don't play the victim to circumstances you created

34

if nobody from the future comes to stop you how bad can the decision really be?

28

When you are lonely press play.

46

Domesticrazed

24

It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not.

35

Mastering the edge of disaster is the real path to a full life.

26

Imagine all the people...

23

When you say
"fuck off" backwards, you sound more British.

26

When you say
"fuck off" backwards, you sound more British.

41

your demons can only call you when they know your name

23

All dogs think they're alphas..

Until they meet a wolf..

30

If I wanted to show support, I would have been born as a bra.

76

You cannot see your reflection in boiling water. Similary, you cannot see truth in a state of anger.

41

I'm living in spain but the s is silent

26

I actually cried from pleasuring my self! damn Im good!

39

3 steps to move on

CTRL + ALT + DEL

Control yourself
Look for alternate solution
Delete the situation that hurts you

38

at least i'm not as lazy as the person who named the fireplace

32

We are built on the words we use.

29

Why is it called 'chili' when it's hot?

29

happy father's day to all the single mom's

16

The system was
never broken it
was built that way

31

I'm a thinker so make sure all your shit adds up before I start calculating.

23

I'm a thinker so make sure all your shit adds up before I start calculating.

16

please tell it to your hairdresser, he is the only one who can help you.

15

Every time the racial oppression bubbles up in the US, I am struck by the enormous patience the oppressed have. And what a total lack of impulse control and self-restraint that manifests in power.

17

Every time the racial oppression bubbles up in the US, I am struck by the enormous patience the oppressed have. And what a total lack of impulse control and self-restraint that manifests in power.

15

Sorrows
like clouds
gather
pour
and pass

26

men will stop thinking with their dicks when women stop fucking with their minds

20

We Can't Breathe

44

Always leave things better than you found them, especially people

27

After the pandemic,
invite me to things.

I'll go.

Maybe.

18

After the pandemic,
invite me to things.

I'll go.

Maybe.

18

If you show me you don't give a fuck, I will show you that I'm better at it.

29

2019: Stay away from negative people.

2020: Stay away from positive people.

34

Summer has been cancelled. By fall we will be in wave no. 2. Might as well put up the Xmas tree now and call it a year.

22

It was so fast. So unexpected. I simply fell in love at some point between my thanks and your welcome

29

I love it that people are forced to stay at home and spare me their bullshit.

Now, if someone would kindly make them shut up on social media, too, thank you.

23

I'm going to buy toilet paper now, everyone else is now at the hairdresser

28

Thought it was the moon,
Craggy old fucking ball face,
Seen in the mirror.

11

Brad Pitt always looks like he wants to be like Brad Pitt but failed.

17

13

The end is nearer than it was.

20

There are two kinds of people in this world.

Avoid both.

22

The evidence suggests that staying at home doesn't flatten my curves.

26

"why do you wear 2 hygiene masks on top of each other?"

"I wear one because of the virus, the other one because I am so ugly."

22

sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage, 20 seconds of embarrassing bravery.

40

When a society laments the loss of an economy over the loss of humanity, it doesn't need a virus, it's already dead.

24

So I was just sitting here thinking, “Hey, I'm just sitting here,” and now I know what the Buddha had to go through....

31

If someone asks you for help, it means they find you capable of giving it.

31

Wine is the hand sanitizer for the soul.

27

Can't wait until this is over so i can go back to social distancing on my own terms..

45

I'm still trying to decide whether to call the Coronavirus The Holocough or The Kung Flu...

22

My Give A Damn Is Busted But My Go F*ck Yourself Still Works!

21

The virtual world may end up being the best way to interact, especially with idealized versions of ourselves as our avatars

24

The amount of jokes about coronavirus virus has reached worrying numbers.

Scientists claim we are in the middle of a pundemic!

22

having trouble forcing yourself to stay home...

shave an eyebrow off

16

Kinda feeling like the Universe just sent us all to our rooms to think about what we've done

51

Has anyone tried tossing a virgin redhead into a volcano yet?

16

when a pandemic occurs and you need to make almost no changes to your daily life

24

we used to cough to cover-up a fart, now we fart to cover-up a cough

26

STAY AT 127.0.0.1

15

In the meantime, all of nature continues its constant flow...

11

"All roads lead to Rome" is suspended until further notice.

36

You can't kill a vegetable by shooting it in the head.

14

We're all idiots but you win.

26

Hiding in your own nonsense reality bubble is okay, until you go outside and expect the Real World to work the same way.

28

It feels good to be lost in the right direction.

39

FOOL MOON

23

Better to be
pissed off than
pissed on.

30

We're not accepting verbal apologies this year.

Only changed behaviour.

39

In another universe we're at the beach.

24

Cat's purr between 25 and 140 Hz, the same frequency shown to aid in the healing of broken bones, wound healing, joint and tendon repair, lowering stress, blood pressure and the risks
of a heart attack ~

40

Always remember to fall asleep with a dream and wake up with a purpose

30

if you wait long enough to cook dinner, everyone will just eat cereal.

that's science.

26

The internet is where irresponsible people can freely become worse.

23

if you know you are going to regret it in the morning, sleep till noon

31

Growing a beard is so much easier than developing a personality!

24

My other dream is survival.

20

I'm so fucking vegan
I don't even call my girlfriend "honey"

13

Well well well, if this isn't my complete lack of motivation again.

49

You can be the whole package and still arrive at the wrong address.

33

She thinks she missed the train to Mars

She's out back counting stars

11

Maybe life is like a car ride. You'll get there when you get there.

18

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