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Posts Liked by MupfinSmiley

A man can stand anything except a succession of ordinary days.

10

I'm writing my book in fifth person, so every sentence starts out with:
“I heard from this guy
who told somebody ... ”

~ Demetri Martin

19

my milkshake brings all the bees to my car
i spilled all over my car
bees are inside of my car
they could kill me
i'm allergic to bees.

9

you're entitled to your wrong opinion...

that's fine.

10

being the funny friend is annoying because when you're not in the mood to entertain everybody, everyone thinks you have an attitude and catches one as well. when really all you're doing is minding your own buisness. now everybody mad because you not in the mood for fuckery.

7

why isn't disney karaoke a thing? i have a very specific skill set that is going to waste.

7

so, i just sent an unwanted dick pic i got from a random dude in DMs to a guy asking for my nudes in DMs.

update: LMAO he blocked me. winner, winner dicked dinner.

5

mum: it starts at 3.

inner me: it starts at 3, but we gotta be there by 2, so we gotta leave the house by 1, so i have to start getting ready around 11, so i have to wake up at 10.

8

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