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Posts Liked by moshimoshi

My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello”, my first instinct when I see a human is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away.

31

dear pillow, sorry for all the tears.

35

She never looked nice. She looked like art, and art wasn't supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something!

109

When a child learns to walk and falls down 50 times, he never thinks to himself:

"Maybe this isn't for me?"

18

When there's always the same shit on repeat,

learn the fucking lesson.

132

*squats down to look in the refrigerator* fitness.

26

There are somethings that money just can't buy, like manners, morals and intelligence.
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

16

The trash gets picked up tomorrow, be ready, whore.

26

I always start phone conversations with "my phone is about to die.." just so people don't waste my time.

238

I wonder how many calories bitches consume by jumping into conclusions.

32

i couldn't help but notice that awesome ends in "me" and ugly begins with "u".

19

I am a little Acorn. As plain as you can see, but remember that the mighty Oak. Was once a Nut like me.

35

I hope you step on a Lego.

69

I want someone who'll sit on a rooftop with me at 2am & tell me their fav songs and their family problems, & how they think the earth was made.

39

I'd break all my rules for you.

51

Sorry you're not pretty on the inside either.

54

THAT'S THE KIND OF BULLSHIT THAT I DON'T NEED

24

It is better to have an enemy who honestly says they hate you than to have a friend who's putting you down secretly.

57

Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.

43

they say alcohol kills, but how many are born of it?

63

One day, I will solve my problems with maturity.

Today, however, it will be with alcohol.

219

Sometimes it takes a really big fall to know where you stand.

19

Someone telling me to calm down when I was already calm unleashes a fury that not even hell can contain.

48

I use sarcasm because flat out telling you you're a fucking moron is considered inappropriate & is frowned upon and I was raised better than that.

43

Problems are like washing machines. They twist us, spin us and knock us around. But in the end, we come out cleaner, brighter and better than before...;)

15

Danger is very real. But fear is a choice.

3

They say you find love in every cornor... Well, my life must be a circle

5

If Apple made a car would it have Windows?

33

I hate when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn't follow the damn script.

18

Dear karma, I have a list of people you missed...

24

Remember, you're only young once, but you can be immature forever.

46

I love the sound you make when you shut up.

66

you can love someone so much, but you can never love people as much as you can miss them

41

We're the best type of friends. We encourage each other to be more and more socially unacceptable.

37

twinkle twinkle little whore, close your legs, they're not a door

146

kissing burns 6.4 calories a minute.

wanna workout?

34

I want you to know that I love the third word in this sentence.

179

Your face is not a coloring book, chill with the makeup.

50

They told me to follow my dreams...

...So I took a nap...

56

I'm sorry, what language are you speaking?

It sounds like bullshit.

73

they told me
I couldn't,

that's why I did.

129

Don't make me angry and then tell me to calm down.

That's like shooting someone and then wondering why he's bleeding.

126

I wouldn't say you're stupid.

You are.
But I wouldn't say it.

129

Respect old people.

They gratuated school without Google and Wikipedia.

136

The truth is, everyone's going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.

- Bob Marley

178

The synonym for reality is offline.

226

Person: you're blocking the view.

Me: I am the view.

48

Staring is caring.

65

I'm not actually funny. I'm just mean and people think I'm joking.

36

I'M NOT ANTI-SOCIAL

I'M ANTI-IDIOT

11

Know the rules well, so you can break them effectively.

•Dalai Lama XIV

47

Throwing fertilizer at people that need to grow up.

12

Some call it the selfie stick..
i call it the
Narcissistick

19

Just because I pretend not to see the painful truth.

Dosen't mean i'm blind.

5

Birthdays are good for your health.

Studies show those who have more birthdays live longer.

6

My first instinct when I see an animal is to say 'hello'.

My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away.

2

If I was
meant to be controlled!
I would
Have come with a Remote !!

22

Honesty
is a very Expensive Gift...

Don't expect it from
Cheap People..

41

They say ignorance is bliss but I find yours rather disturbing.

24

women are like bees, wasps or bumblebees.
either they are workaholics,
toxic bitches
or unintentionally funny.

4

she looks good from far...

2mn later

but shes far from looking good.

4

I respect people who do something with second chances

16

At the end of the day, life should ask us,
Do you want to save the changes?

181

The sex was so good even the neighbours had a cigarette.

283

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

111

I'm in competition
with no one..
have no desire
to play the game of being better than anyone..
just simply trying to be better than the person I was yesterday •

123

I like to be alone.
But I would rather be alone with you.

270

i've
fallen
in love
with you,

but you
don't exist.

234

justice is
a beautiful concept.
unicorns too.

320

Do you ever wonder how many girls screenshot your texts and then completely slaughter you in group chats?

22

If you were a vegetable, you would be a cute-cumber.

20

Lazy is such an ugly word, I prefer the term selective participation.

67

"What are you, twelve?"

Yeah, on a scale of one to ten.

107

I love asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because I'm still looking for ideas.

45

I'm that person that will play with the dog at a party.

38

Woman in grocery store was touching and handling all the cucumbers, so I asked her: "What's wrong lady? Can't find your size?"

She actually got pissed. Can't imagine why

14

I hate people who take drugs. Policemen, Customs Officers, etc...

13

When I die, I want the people I did group projects with to lower me into my grave so they can let me down one last time.

13

If history repeats itself I'm so getting a dinosaur!

14

Common sense is like deodorant; the people who need it the most never use it.

12

Time is the best teacher. But unfortunately, it kills all of it's students

36

Whoosh...

...that was logic leaving the room.

10

You can stay, but your clothes must go...

26

Whoever invented Knock Knock jokes should get a 'no bell prize'.

28

Three people sleeping together is called a threesome.

Two people sleeping together is a twosome.

Guess that's why people call me handsome.

61

CONGRATULATIONS

My tallest finger wants to give you a
standing ovation.

33

Short girls are so mean because they are closer to hell.

49

You are a work of art.
Not everyone will understand you,
but the ones who
do,
will never forget you.

55

WHY THE HELL ISN'T THE iPHONE'S BATTERY LIFE CALLED

APPLE JUICE?

12

Life is like a pinata. You beat the shit out of them until sweets comes out.

26

I hate the part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life.

29

If money is the root of all evil, I must be some sort of saint.

40

I don't regret the things I did wrong.

I regret the good things I did for the wrong people.

43

Did you sit in a pile of sugar?

Cause you have a pretty sweet ass.

43

Life is
not about looking for
a true friend..
it's about being one •

40

I

refuse

to

become

what

you

call

NORMAL

53

I will love you until Pi runs
out of decimal places.

60

Of course I'll hurt you. Of course you'll hurt me. Of course we will hurt each other. But this is the very nature of existence. To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence.

• Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

44

"it doesn't matter how deep you fall, what matters is how high you bounce back. "

67

Do not call me perfect,
a lie is never a compliment.
Call me an erratic
damaged and
insecure mess.
Then tell me that you
love me for it.

• Beau Taplin,
"You're a fucking wreck and I love you for it."

98

I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge. That myth is more potent than history. That dreams are more powerful than facts. That hope always triumphs over experience. That laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death.

167

"How do you know when it's over?"

"Maybe when you feel more in love with your memories than with the person standing right in front of you."

84

If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair, you're fooling yourself. That's like expecting the lion not to eat you beacuse you didn't eat him.

103

To be in the 1%, you have to do what 99% won't.

69

YOUR
PHONE SCREEN
IS BRIGHTER THAN YOUR FUTURE.

105

Today a feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.....apparently "in HD" was not the right answer...

106

What Susie says
of Sally
says more of Susie
than of Sally.

Remember that.

164

Life is like a Bollywood movie: colorful, humorous, and usually you have no idea what the fuck is going on.

133

there's a little truth behind every
"just kidding"
a little curiosity behind every
"just wondering"
a little knowledge behind every
"i don't know"
and a little emotion behind every
"i don't care"

129

BEFORE SEX...YOU HELP EACH OTHER GET NAKED, AFTER SEX YOU ONLY DRESS YOURSELF.

MORAL OF THE STORY: IN LIFE NO ONE HELPS YOU

ONCE YOU'RE FUCKED.

325

Let's be nothing, I heard it lasts forever.

94

If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between shit and syphillis!

111

I don't watch soccer...

If I want to spend 90 minutes watching people struggling to score, I take my friends to a bar.

112

I don't make mistakes,
I date them.

172

Your ass must get jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth.

240

Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate.

620

Here's a tissue, you have a little bullshit on your lip.

218

If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself

226

If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

459

The Fact There's a Highway to HELL
and only a Stairway to Heaven..
Say's a Lot of
Anticipated
Traffic Number's

70

If you listen real closely, you can hear my alarm clock laughing as I set it.

83

I don't have any bad habits.

I am good at all of them.

140

Treat me like a queen and I'll treat you like a king. Treat me like a game and I'll show you how it's played.

28

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