PandasRcool's Posts

Anyone who fails to see the evolutionary link between man and ape has never used the restroom at Walmart.

God is silent. Now if men could just shut up.

I love mankind. And by mankind I mean women.

In a thousand years, archeologists will dig up tanning beds and think we fried people as a punishment.

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If idiots grew on trees, this place would be a forest.

Love is in the air? Wrong. Nitrogen, oxygen and carbon dioxide are in the air. Love is in your head.

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Chuck Norris was born on May 6th, 1945.
The Nazis surrendered on May 7th, 1945.
Coincidence?

That amazing feeling when you were a child and there were candies in strangers' vans...

I'm not scared of flying on a plane, I'm scared of suddenly not flying.

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The more I learn about people, the more I love my dog.
-Mark Twain

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Imagine how it would be if you were in space and there was a zombie apocalypse happening on the Earth.

Yo mama's so fat that she should be concerned because diabete is a serious problem.

Ask me if I an an orange.
"Are you an orange?"
Nope, I am a person.

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That moment where you get in the van and there are no candies...

I still remember the words my grandpa said just before he kicked the bucket, he said
"Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

What do you do when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

riles likes this

Why should my crush date me:
1)
2)
3)
4) Plz

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reposted by QuotedTiger

What do bananas and helicopters have in common? Neither of them is a police officer.

I like coffee just like my girlfriend, without a penis.

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Why isn't Helen Keller a good driver? Because she is dead.

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Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.

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You better have a hold in your hand than a hand in your hole.

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If Mary did not have arms, she could not hold her phone.

Unicorns do not exist. Unfortunatly.

God gives his biggest task to his greatest soldiers.

Don't read the next sentence.

You creepy asshole...

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Tomato is a fruit.

Home drunk, go you are.

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Go drunk, you are home.

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Drunk you are, home you go.

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Go home, you are drunk.

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Do not follow majority, follow the right way

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How many pushups can you do?
I can do all of them.
-Chuck Norris

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