bestoneliners's Posts

I used to be a DJ at Stonehenge, but I no longer mix in those circles

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What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing

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I've been accused of being a plagiarist.

Their words, not mine

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While visiting the museum, I saw my ex girlfriend standing across the hall, but I was too self conscious to say hello.

There was too much history between us

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"Waitress, can I ask you something about the menu please?"

Waitress: *slaps me across the face* The men I please are none of your damn business

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I can always tell when someone is lying just by looking at them.

I can tell when they're standing too.

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