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Customer service:
Your call is very
important to us.

*Puts you on hold
for half an hour*

18

Tobacco companies kill their best customers, while condom companies kill their future customers.

17

Dear customer service,

First of all, you should know I am typing this with my middlefinger!

17

I don't believe there is anything in this world YOU would be afraid of.

12

Dear Guy who thought it's appropriate to whistle & tell me to "move my ass" when I'm working single shift in the pub on a saturday night:
I might wear a dog's collar, but that doesn't mean I heel. By the way, have you seen its studs? Each shiny spiky one of them says
"Fuck you, sexist."

8

pain is just

weakness

leaving

your body

8

So, you thought being rude to your tattoo artist just because you felt like bitching was a clever idea?
Being the one about to alter your appearance permanently I can tell you:

It was not.

6

Trust me, we don't sell alcohol here. If we did, I'd have drunk it all by now.

6

When I tried to post a Bold I only saw "Cannot open the page because the server cannot be found".

I found this confounding because all lights on the modem indicated normal functions.

Thankfully the connection re-established itself now.

6

We're here to help.
Please do not reply to this email.
Emails sent to this address will not be answered.
GoDaddy.

6

I'm just serving you cancer right now, don't worry about it.

4

Dear Ally,

I'm deeply sorry but we can't help you with the movie you asked for. It may come as a surprise but we aren't Facebook.

Sincerely, NSA

"Stop giggling Mark I'm writing a letter!"

4

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