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Everyone poops.

39

Your spiritual guidance led me to the liquor store.

43

Nothing like an idiot and their opinion.

25

? ? ? ?

13

Imagine me on top of you.

No, not like that.

I'm fully dressed, and keep punching you in your stupid face.

26

A fun thing to do this holiday season is to run into the woods and never be seen or heard from again.

24

When I die, I want my tombstone to read "You're standing on my balls".

22

there is nothing better than the smell of coffee
in the morning

combined with morning sex

19

Praying the gay away is not as fun as fucking the religion away.

22

My signature move on a first date is stealing fries off your plate.

23

Imagine not having to be a fake piece of shit on the internet or real life dot com.

14

our world is not divided by race, color, gender or religion. our world is divided into wise people and fools. and fools divide themselves by race, color, gender and religion.

-nelson mandela

7

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