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what if all of the indiana jones movies are just dreams that han solo has while he's frozen in carbonate?
Do more things that make you forget to check your phone
I'm spending the year dead for tax reasons
Managing is just great prompt engineering... with a human touch.
DON'T OFFER A LECTURE TO A PERSON WHO NEEDS A HUG .
Don't hesitate. fumigate.
I met my wife at a singles night. ...I was surprised, as I thought she was at home with the kids.
When you lose track of time, things begin to flow.
I want treats, cuddles,naps and exercise Basically I am a puppy
“Wisdom is the echo of experience.” James Clear
never underestimate the power of stupid people in a large group.
IT'S AMAZING HOW FAST YOUR MOOD CAN CHANGE AFTER YOU STEP IN WATER WITH SOCKS ON!!
A liar will get angry with you for knowing the truth
Your secrets safe with me I probably wasn't listening
YEAH THAT'S RIGHT, SIMBA, MAKUNA MY TATAS •¿•
This house will never feel like home
* * ** B *o * * ^ * * / \ * * * * I__ l d * * l I l I l o / \ / /Illll\ \ m / / 00 \ \ a 00 t 00 i 00 c Our imagination takes flight!!!!
MAY DO ABORTION OPPONENTS ACTUALLY EAT EGGS?
Happy Earth Day Enjoy Earth while you can
You can throw all the shade you want. It's still sunny in my world.
IF YOU'RE FEELING A SUDDEN CALM. IT'S BECAUSE I TOOK YOUR VOODOO DOLL OUT FOR A PICNIC ON A GRASSY HILL. YOU'RE WELCOME!!!
IF YOU'VE NEVER JUMPED FROM ONE COUCH TO THE OTHER TO AVOID THE LAVA YOU'VE NEVER HAD A CHILDHOOD!!
Before you fuck a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are
You know you're old when you get up in the morning and the first thing you do is make noise.
In the abstraction of the moment lies the distraction of time...
Don't hesitate. fumigate.
at some point, our parents stopped keeping track of our bowel movements.
IntheextremelIesthedream
Aus Möwen kann man keinen Saft machen.
getting a compliment is less about how great you are and more about how kind and observant the person who gave the compliment is.
nowaday's a robot has the nerve to ask me if i'm a robot.
it is never too late to become unhealthily obsessed with a niche television show that went off the air years ago.
weekends are only 1 day long and there are two of them a week.
my step to step plan to deal with idiots: Step 1: step on them
the vast majority of people don't know you exist.
Yeah yeah yeah, good morning to you, too.
You are free to choose, but you are not free from the consequences of your choice. ~ Ezra Taft Benson
lieber Priester, du kannst über alles predigen, nur nicht über 15 Minuten
out of sight of land the sailor feels safe. it is the beach that worries him.
i keep sailing on in this middle passage. i am sailing into the wind and the dark. but i am doing my best to keep my boat steady and my sails full.
Before you fuck a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are
I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke
Loop Pool or Polo?
men play the game... women know the score
never start a fight with a woman - they remember shit that hasnt even happened yet ;-)
Love is in the air... for now.
virtue is the coitus interruptus of temptation
money and monkey need no grammar
It's not illegal. It's just frowned upon. Like masturbating on an airplane.
laundry today or naked tomorrow
You look like something I draw with my left hand.
There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying, "I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."
Whenever I delete an app on my phone, the shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed •
My doctor asked if anyone in my family was suffering from mental illness. I said; "no, we all seem to enjoy it"
I HOPE YOUR DAY IS AS NICE AS YOUR BUTT
If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
LISTEN TO SILENCE
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything
I love waving at random people, because you know for the rest of the day they're trying to figure out who the hell you were.
If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself
Voices in your head - normal Listening to them - common Arguing with them - acceptable Losing the argument - BIG PROBLEM
i just burnt my tongue on some food they say the ones you love hurt you the most
THIS "NORMAL" YOU SPEAK OF DOESN'T SOUND FUN AT ALL.
Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.
Sun goes down earlier for short people.
If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.
justice is a beautiful concept. unicorns too.
I wanted to write down exactly what I felt but somehow the paper stayed empty and I could not have described it any better
Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs.
10% of conflicts are due to differences in opinion. 90% are due to wrong tone of voice.
I like to be alone. But I would rather be alone with you.
i've fallen in love with you, but you don't exist.
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